NiNi-Blog

Moving to a New Home....

2007-02-26T12:24:00.000-06:00

Okay everyone [if anyone still cares], I'm moving here.

Please update your links, and consider me "back to blogging."

I'll be chatting with you all on YOUR blogs soon! [Gotta update my blogroll and get my links updated in the new home].

I hope your 2007 is kicking booty so far!

I've missed you all very, very much.

xxx,
-NiNi

If Necessity is the Mother of Invention...

2006-12-15T14:05:00.000-06:00

Then I declare stagnancy as the mother of reinvention.

I'll be coming back soon, and you won't even recognize this place once I've returned. I think I'd like to make this blog into something with actual content, rather than a "dear diary, today I..." type of journal.

G is setting me up with my own home computer for Christmas, so now I won't have to choose between the band and a personal online life when I only have sparce computer time to spare. Now the time I have for online work will be less touch-and-go, so... it's a perfect time to re-think this and to re-work it.

Until then, I'll probably only log on every so often to check in.

I hope that you all are having a beautiful holiday season so far!
[I'm doing much better than when I last logged on, here].

Trying to Come Back...

2006-11-14T13:30:00.000-06:00

MacReady's birthday is this Sunday. We're going to take a walk down his favorite route, and put together a shadow box in his honor. He is the last thing I think about at night, and the first thing I think about in the morning. I even heard him bark one night... it was his playful, naughty bark and I actually found it comforting to think for a few moments during lucid dreams that he is still with me.

I also wrote a poem for him.

The Lady and the Wolf

You loved me like a child
So completely and so endless
Your golden hair and ocean eyes
Stopped me cold; left me breathless

No questions asked,
No judgments made
No walls of preconceptions
You saw through me for miles
And walked them in protection

So when you had to leave
You took a piece of me
And now that you are free
Please reach out to me

Through the rain
Through my tears
Through the night
Through my dreams

From inside
An untamed star

-NiNi Burkart, November 2006

I'm seriously considering [again] closing down this blog. I just don't really know what the point is anymore.

Grave Expectations

2006-11-02T10:03:00.000-06:00

I wonder if the dress code at work would allow me to put a paper sack over my head and wear a sign that says, "DON'T WANNA TALK, I'M GRIEVING."

Sure would be nice.

I don't mind being back at work, I just feel deeply antisocial. When people get used to people with big smiles and effervescent personalities, they come to expect it. Right now, I just want to be the total opposite of that.

Then again, it's good to know that people care. I'll look at it that way. I guess it would be worse if nobody noticed that I'm not the usual happy-go-lucky "me" lately. I'll try to remember that every time I feel like I need to force a smile. I don't think they expect that of me, I think I expect that of me... [quit that, NiNi].

Say Hello to the Official Masters of Horror Ghoul

2006-10-27T11:40:00.000-05:00

Some good news for me got lost in all of the sadness this week.

On Tuesday, I was signed on as tvguide.com's "official" blogger for Masters of Horror and Ghost Whisperer. It's not a raise or promotion, but great exposure and a high profile platform for me to get my "real" writing out there. The Battlestar Galactica entry from the other day was my writing sample. The editorial director loved it, and welcomed me on-board immediately. I'd wanted to blog regularly about Galactica and Masters of Horror, but Galactica was already taken. I can still blog about it unofficially over there, which I'll probably do when I have the time.

My first Masters of Horror entry is posted today, complete with a poll. Feel free to stop by and read it. I'd love for it to become a popular "underground" blog for tvguide.com. Let me know your thoughts, and visit me over there often, okay?

Feeling Pretty Raw

2006-10-26T10:06:00.000-05:00

Thanks so much for your comments yesterday, everyone... it is very comforting to receive thoughts and cyber hugs during such a difficult time...

I'm pretty much trading off hysterical crying with just feeling plain ol' numb. I really had a hard time vaccuuming around "his" area last night - the place in front of the couch where his bed was, where he laid at my feet every night and where we gathered around him during his final hours of consciousness. I had to stop. I know it isn't true and it probably sounds melodramatic, but I felt like I was sweeping "him" away... I wanted to see his hair tufts and I wanted to smell him... it seemed like a betrayal to clean up after him, but we needed to restore balance and order to things... for whatever reason, I had a really hard time doing that last night.

We only spent two hours at work, then G and I left. G treated us to dinner at Lanna Thai, which was SO medicinal. He also bought me Season 1 of The Addams Family on DVD, which we kept on through most of the evening, to cheer us. We also bought a plant in MacReady's honor. It's called a "Louisiana Red." We thought it would be a great choice because we always called him our "Big Red." Several years ago, G's mom had painted a wonderful porcelain husky statuette for us, and made it look like Macready's coloring... I don't think I could ever convey how grateful I was to have that last night. I put MacReady's collar around the statuette's neck, and put it in front of "his plant." We'll be adding a nice framed 8x10 photo of him, his "clay paw print" and a section of his favorite blanket into the shrine.

I've been trying so hard to replace the images of him drifting away with the images of him being cute, naughty and funny... but it's hard. The memory of their death is so clear and raw at first, and that's the hard part. I have had many moments of giggling since yesterday, though. That dog was such a character, and as the memories of putting him to sleep fade away, I can guarantee that much laughter and fun memories will take over and replace the pain.

Of course, the kitties knew that something was wrong, so they piled up on top of me and loved on me a lot. If we didn't have them, it would have been even more difficult to be home experiencing that void he's left. To say I miss him terribly is an understatement. I feel so empty without him. He was such a part of me, and it hurts like hell to lose him. But you know... it is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all. The love and affection between me and my pets is most definitely two-way... and my life is better for it, loss and all.

MacReady is Gone

2006-10-25T14:42:00.000-05:00

We had to put MacReady to sleep this morning. He was my first dog, and we fell madly in love with each other at first sight [just like how his daddy and I fell at first sight]. I am absolutely heart broken.

His cancer returned. We gave him a really happy extra year. He was in his mind, and left his decaying body in total peace. We all slept on the floor together last night, like a slumber party, and he died with me, G and his favorite blanket. He reached a comatose state at home, so he wasn't even aware of anything by the time we got to the vet, which was comforting, because his last coherent memory was at home with us.

The vet assistant does a sweet thing for pet owners. She's putting MacReady's paw print into clay for us, complete with his date of birth and death and his name. It'll be so nice to have that in loving memory of him. He was such a momma's boy, and I'll never, ever forget his blue eyes, his love of snuggling with me, his mischievous spirit, and the way he worked day in and day out to protect his pack. He was an amazing guy who loved his family so much, just as his family loved him.

The photo above was taken on a night when he and I had so much fun... it was 3AM, and we were laying on the floor together in the media room, just listening to music and snuggling. He really had a good run. Greg and I had promised him and each other that if the cancer returned, we wouldn't let it utterly destroy him, and we held to that promise, even though it was a very difficult.

Goodbye, my sweet boy. My Pooky Bear. I miss you already.

Halloween Squidoo Lens

2006-10-23T17:59:00.000-05:00

Oh great, I've found another addiction. It's called Squidoo. You'll just have to see it to understand it [if you don't know Squidoo].

Click on this link and take a look at my Halloween lens! There's videos, a "monster poll," lists of movie recommendations and "TV Scream Listings." It is WAY fun, and I'm WAY addicted. Take the poll and give me a "star rating," would ya? If you decide to set up a lens on any topics, let me know so that I can "lens roll" you!

New Caprica, I Hardly Knew Ye

2006-10-23T17:46:00.000-05:00

The fleet is going to hit the fan. They're reunited, no longer divided, and now this war has taken on dimensions that no one was prepared for. Is it any wonder that every Friday, I find myself wishing that Battlestar Galactica were eight hours long? I can hardly stand it when each episode reaches another jaw-dropping end; I want the show to continue for the rest of the weekend! Then again, the intensity and real-life parallels of the show could leave me a bit exhausted with that much exposure... I don't want to admit it, but I s'pose a weekly dose is all that I am emotionally prepared to handle. Oh Lord, it's hard to be a Galacticaddict!

Speaking of emotionally prepared, I have to say my biggest shock of this week's episode was watching Saul "put his wife to sleep." All along, my feelings towards Ellen Tigh have been similar to my feelings for Gaius Baltar. They're both characters that I love to hate and hate to love. At one time, I even thought that maybe Ellen was a cylon! She's obviously so toxic, especially to Saul, but at the same time, I can't help but empathize with her, because just enough of her humanity shows its face when least expected. That's one of the great things about this show's writing: these writers don't let us get comfortable with seeing the characters in black and white. The lines between hero and villain are often blurred, and a Science Fiction show becomes one of the most eloquent social commentaries one could ever be challenged with.

This was one of the few times that Ellen's toxic actions were seemingly motivated by love – at least, her selfish version of it. On the surface, I understood that in her warped mind, "she did it all for love," so I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. But when I "consider the Saul," it's obvious to me that he would have rather died in that prison than jeopardize The Resistance. Had Ellen really known her husband and felt true love for him, she would have chosen a different kind of sacrifice to help him. Maybe she would have taken up arms with The Resistance, rather than use her womanly assets as a weapon. Even though her acts seemed like love, it was a selfish, toxic version of it, and Saul had to do what he had to do for the survival of his species. To me, the whole scene when Saul cried for her, telling her "I love you, you know," was such a tangible one. Haven't most of us felt a deep love for somebody toxic to us? And haven't we felt a genuine sense of mourning and loss, even though severing ties with that person is ultimately best for us? I know I have.

Toxicity. Ugh. What a relief to see Starbuck stab that Leoben and this time, have a way out before that snake grew another new skin! That is one character that is not in the "gray area" for me. He is creepy, he is evil, and I wanted to take a shower after he forced Kara to "declare her love" and kiss him. Ew, yuck, ew. I’d had a feeling that when sweet little Casey "had fallen" down the stairs, that Leoben pushed her, and now I'm absolutely sure of it.

It was a huge surprise to find that Casey was not a cylon-Starbuck hybrid, but a stolen human. The look on Kara's face when Casey and her real mother reunited was heartbreaking and profound. The extent of Leoben's manipulation surprised even Kara, I believe, but so did Kara's newfound understanding of a mother's fierce love and protection. I believe that this knowledge will come in very handy for Starbuck as the war picks up intensity... and be a detriment to the cylons.

Three moments gave me the most goosebumps this episode:
[Every episode contains many of those moments].

1. Apollo finally growing back some space stones and taking his place as the Apollo we've all known, complete with disobeying orders and saving the mission, despite what "dad" told him to do. "I never could read your handwriting." So perfect.

2. Laura Roslin taking her command of the Presidential ship. She looks so graceful and dignified behind that desk.

3. Commander Adama's grin as he walked around, cleanly shaven, observing with proud serenity his reunited fleet getting back to work.

As the season continues, will all be fair in love and war? Some of the cylons are beginning to understand the concept of "love," and the fleet is back together. Will the cylons' reunion with Hera make them into a greater force than what the fleet is prepared to fight, or will love for this child throw the cylons off-guard and deeply change them? Will Gaius Baltar and Number Six betray the cylons, or stand even stronger on their side? Will Sharon betray The Fleet after learning that she was lied to about Hera's death? Will The Fleet want to fight for New Caprica, or decide to move on and find Earth? Will we see more of Richard "Zarek/Original Apollo" Hatch? [I hope so]! And finally, my biggest question: will this show ever get the Emmy and Golden Globe nominations that it so completely deserves?

Spooooky Art Contest and Gallery

2006-10-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Brandelion, I've decided to participate in Penelope Illustration's Black & Orange Creative Halloween Contest & Gallery.

I'm admittedly not a very good graphic artist, but I didn't enter it to win; I just enjoyed browsing through the gallery so much, I felt inspired to try something.

My entry is based on the "Fantomatique" video, and I'm personally happy with it. I've named it "Necronomicon."

If you want to become absolutely amazed and delighted with cute to artsy to disturbing Halloween art in a black and orange palette, browse through the artist gallery and enjoy! [Sneffnee will love it because orange is one of her favorite colors].

One of my personal favorites [and I swear, it's without bias] is Bran's submission, which is on Page 2. It's the one that says "A Flower For My True Love Lost at Sea" - 3rd row down, 3rd thumbnail from the left. I also love the very first Nosferatu image on page 1. I love so many of them, I'll be browsing through this gallery often well after Halloween has ended.

Feel free to point out your favorites in my comments, here!

From FactCheck.org

2006-10-20T21:42:00.000-05:00

Whether Democrats would actually be any less zealous than Republicans about keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of terrorists is a matter of opinion which we leave to the judgment of our readers. However, we do note that this ad offers no proof of that.

–by Brooks Jackson and Emi Kolawole

A Dedication

2006-10-20T14:08:00.000-05:00

To the two-time anonymous ~~visitor~~ twat who is so very fond of curse words that begin with "B."

My "Dark Ages"

2006-10-19T11:40:00.000-05:00

I've received hate mail here before after having expressed my disdain for Fundamentalist Christianity. What many do not realize is that I once was a Fundamentalist Christian. As a matter of fact, the whole reason I wound up in this city was I packed up and headed down South to "serve" as a musician for Christ in one of the largest, most active Fundamentalist churches in the country. My family was horrified and puzzled by this, because even though I was a Catholic my whole life, I'd never been a judgmental right-winger. Why the sudden transformation? What happened to their daughter?

Yesterday, I received an email from my mom's boss [one of the coolest guys in the world]! They were having a healthy conversation at work, talking about how seemingly sensible people often get sucked into this radical religious movement, and seem to genuinely lose their minds in the process. Knowing that I was once one of those puzzling people, they wanted my perspective, so I indulged them. This is a looong post, but it's something I've wanted to "let out" on this blog for years. The time and the climate in this country is right for this post. If I get hate mail, that's totally fine, because I was once one of those that would have sent hate mail in response to the post that this is about to be... I understand where they're coming from... it wouldn't validate their judgment of me, but I understand the mindset.

On 10/18/06, XXXXX wrote:
Subject: ????

Jeannine,
How did you manage to proceed from *RWRRRCThugism to the Devil and how are they related? Actually, even though it may not seem like it, this is really a serious question. We were trying to figure out how come seemingly (at one time) reasonable and rational people end up in the radical religious right with no regard for others. love "S"

From: JeanNiNi
To: XXXXX
Cc: Mom and Dad
Date: Oct 18, 2006 5:05 PM
Subject: Re: ???? Christianity and The Devil

Wow, what a question! I wish I'd been there in person to join in the conversation! But here's my .02 on the subject in writing. :o)

The short story: rational and reasonable people can be brainwashed when they're "fertile" for this crap. All it takes is for one to be feeling vulnerable or lost in life, and it opens up a door for sane people to suddenly become raving lunatics [and zombies] for Christ. Add to that the feeling that they're on a "mission" to "save the world," and they're actually quite similar to Jihadists.

My own personal "religious" experience was extremely emotional, and I was very young [and stupid]. I THOUGHT that it was a profound religious experience, but it turns out, it was 100% emotional frenzy. Loud music, speaking in tongues, dancing and intense physical stuff going on in these services. It's actually been proven that it has similar effects on a person's brain as getting brainwashed.

So when people think they've felt a "real" hand of "God" touch them, they become brainwashed. The only people that will ever find a way out are the naturally inquisitive and smart ones, who don't just accept things at "face value," and eventually start digging a little deeper, which I [thankfully] did. Also, people who are born into Christian families already have that set of beliefs present in their lives, so it's easy to tip into the Fundamentalist side of it, because it's only a few degrees removed from the non-Fundamentalist denominations.

After spending years studying the Bible and witnessing the rampant hypocrisy in Christianity - Fundamentalist Christianity in particular - I realized that 1. The Bible is a book of mythology and parables that shouldn't be taken any more literally than Greek Mythology. 2. "God" as a "big man in the sky" is obviously a patriarchal belief, and a way to subdue women. 3. Christianity has been a political device and a way to control the people for centuries. 4. Christianity is a HUGE money-maker in the Western world. 5. It's all a LIE and I got pissed.

SO! That leads me to the "devil connection." For me, the demonic imagery and the darkness present in my art is simply a way to rebel against the lies and to rattle the cages of the people who've lost their friggin' minds. It's not a "literal" belief in "The Devil." If I believed in "The Devil," then it would mean that I still believe in Christianity, because "The Devil" was created by Christian leadership, and used to scare people into submission. So the natural step for anyone in rebelling against this Christian mind-control is to embrace the imagery and the concept of the Devil, just as a giant "fuck you" to fundies. [And it's FUN getting hate mail from them, actually - yes, we've gotten hate mail for being "demonic"].

Now, there ARE some VERY cool people that are Christians [my parents are two of 'em], but my anger is at Fundamentalists, not at people who use the Bible as parables of faith, love and who truly follow the teachings of Christ. Jesus represents love, tolerance and forgiveness to many, but unfortunately, it's the "Fundies" that are the most vocal, violent and hateful; because they've now de-humanized anyone who doesn't believe the way they do, so they're capable [now] of great evil in the name of "God." Many Christians will never get to that point, but the ones who do are the most powerful, because they're the most "pro-active" about their faith. They're also great at raising money and positions of power, just like The Vatican. Fundamentalism today is as powerful and corrupt as The Vatican.

Finally, I want you to know that I'm not a Satanist and neither is G. I consider myself an eclectic Pagan and a Pantheist, and G considers himself a Pantheist:

Pantheism (Greek: πάν ( 'pan' ) = all and Theos = God) literally means " God is All" and "All is God". It is the view that everything is of an all-encompassing immanent God; or that the universe, or nature, and God are equivalent. More detailed definitions tend to emphasize the idea that natural law, existence, and the universe (the sum total of all that is, was, and shall be) is represented or personified in the theological principle of 'God'.

Also, here's the lyrics to our song "The Devils," which was written by me:

THE DEVILS © 2005 NiNi Burkart / CORVO

It's time to stop this reaching out to me
Blood on your hands won't set me free

{{ YOU'RE SO ON FIRE
YOU'RE BURNING ME ALIVE }}
So how's the view from way up there?
So turned askiew in heaven's glare

[what demon did you choose to be your lover?]
Fear me the gypsy
[what was his name?]
Fear me the strange
[what was the oath you were forced to render him?]
Cast out your friend - your love
[where did you consummate your union?]
All in the name of...
[what mark did the demon make on your body?]
Execute your reason
All in the name of...
Faith

{{ YOU'RE SO ON FIRE YOU'RE
BURNING ME ALIVE
WHEN DID YOU BECOME MY INQUISITION? }}

This song is basically my response to all of the Christians in my life that abandoned me and judged me when I left RWRRRCThugism. [What a great term]! Also, these questions in the song...

What demon did you choose to be your lover?
What was his name?
What was the oath you were forced to render him?

Where did you consummate your union?
What mark did the demon make on your body?

...are all historically documented questions that the Grand Inquisition asked while torturing women during the burning times. WOMEN WERE ASKED THOSE QUESTIONS BY CHRISTIANS WHILE BEING TORTURED! Well, why doesn't anyone question the Christian church and condemn it for those horrible times? Isn't torturing and killing thousands and thousands of women just as evil as what Hitler did in Germany? I think so. Yet, nobody in the Christian church even bats an eye at that part of Christianity's history.

The first most frightening thing I ever did after I left the Christian [Fundamentalist] church was learn about Wicca and Paganism. It was frightening because I was taught that it was evil. Turns out, their main "creed" is: "If it harms none, do as you will." Hm. Sounds like Jesus' "golden rule," eh? Turns out my pastor was wrong about "witches" channeling demons and casting hexes on people.

The second most frightening thing I ever did was dig into Satanism to learn more about it. Let me write out for you the principals of Satanism - this will surprise you [I'm sure] as much as it did me.

The Satanic Golden Rule

The Satanist does not believe in the Judeo-Christian-Islamic idea of God; the function of God is performed and satisfied by the Satanist him/herself. That is, the needs of worship, ritual, and religious/spiritual focus are directed, effectively, inwards towards the Satanist, as opposed to outwards, towards God.

LaVey [Satanism's founder] proposes instead that as all gods are creations of man, worship of an external deity is worship of its creator by proxy. He suggests, then, that the rational Satanist should instead internalize his god, and therefore worship himself; hence the Satanic maxim, "I am my own god."

It follows that Satanism shuns the idea of belief in all other deities as well, including, to the surprise of many, Satan. Satan is viewed as a literary archetype, along the lines of John Milton's epic hero. This archetype is viewed not as a negative figure, but as a positive image of pride and mastery in opposition to servitude, faith, and humility.

Belief in any such externalized deities is generally considered grounds for excluding someone as a Satanist, and devil worship in particular is considered nothing more than a misguided inversion of Christianity.

The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
9. Do not harm little children.
10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

What? Satanists don't sacrifice children or animals? Turns, out true Satanists do not. Anyone who's commited murder as a "Satanic sacrifice" is just sociopathic to begin with, and "Satanism" was what they chose as their reason to kill. Real Satanists actually live by a pretty respectful "moral code." They're just very hedonistic and self-centered. I myself am a servant by nature; I like to help people and reach out to them, so Satanism just isn't my natural tendency. However, I do respect Satanists and am friends with quite a few. They are some of the most intelligent people I've ever known.

Anyway, turns out, all of those stories about Witchcraft and Satanism as portrayed by the church AND the media is [surprise surprise] a way to control the people. And as I learn more about the religions of the world, I grow more and more grateful that I left Fundamentalism behind me... I consider that 5-year period "my Dark Ages." :o(

SO! That's my rant for the day. Let me know what you think!

Love,
JeanNiNi

He responded that he learned a lot from this "rant" and enjoyed reading it. My Mom was amazed by it... in a good way. I have a feeling she's not "worried" about me anymore... I know that many people jump to conclusions when an artist's work is pretty dark and disturbing. Believe me, we're actually some very well-adjusted people, mainly because our art helps us channel the dark stuff in positive ways.

*RWRRRCThugs = Right Wing Radical Reactionary Rebornagain Christian Thugs

Religious Right's Assault Grows

2006-10-18T10:06:00.000-05:00

"Our job is to reclaim America for Christ, no matter what the cost." -Rev. D. James Kennedy

The Horror of Amadeus

2006-10-17T09:45:00.000-05:00

I was thinking this morning about certain movies that I like to watch every year during fall and winter, and of course, in October, the horror films dramatically increase. Sure, we watch horror films just about every weekend anyway, but in October, the DVD player is constantly looping through old favorites and new finds.

One movie that I really get in the mood for this time of year is Amadeus, and while thinking about getting my DVD out and watching it for about the 40th time, I thought about how this film is actually a horror film for me.

The story is based on a Viennese urban legend in which a "mediocre" composer, Salieri becomes consumed with jealousy and driven to murder. The film kicks off with Salieri's graphic suicide attempt, which is visually tattooed into my brain forever. At the core of Salieri's thorough and masterful murder plot is the "ghost" of Amadeus' father, represented by a creepy mask. When Salieri denounces God and the Christian church, the scene is very similar to Coppola's Dracula, in which Dracul laments about the very same betrayal. Even though Salieri doesn't shape shift into an enormous bat-demon, he looks just as monstrous in those scenes, and the venom he spouts is just as chilling.

Then there's the whole musical underscore. The haunting sounds of choir boys in churches; the frightening scenes from one of Mozart's darkest operas, Don Giovanni, in which the huge ghost bursts through the walls and sings his horrifying refrain. The somber movements of Mozart's Requiem, a funeral mass written for his dead father resounds throughout, and it really gets under the skin.

The movie is haunting and disturbing, but so incredibly beautiful at the same time. I even remember our drive home after having seen it in the theater in the '80s. It was dark, cold, rainy and foggy, like the closing scene of the film, and I was thoroughly creeped out to my core.

It's a masterful film and absolutely mood-drenched and veiled in what seems like many, many ghosts from Mozart's life, both real and imagined. I highly recommend seeing it if you have not... especially on a cold, rainy night.

My Other Car is a Dragula

2006-10-16T15:01:00.000-05:00

I created this as a bumper sticker and license plate frame at our shop. I've gotta say, I love how it turned out! I googled this concept and searched for "Dragula" on CafePress before creating it, and didn't find anyone else who'd thought of this, which surprised me. G wants the license plate frame and I want the bumper sticker.

Total. Chills.

2006-10-16T14:27:00.000-05:00

Our Video For "Fantomatique" is Posted!

2006-10-13T09:35:00.000-05:00

Our video for Fantomatique is up! Please stop by YouTube, rate it and comment!

Happy Friday the 13th!

Battlestar Baghdad

2006-10-11T10:39:00.000-05:00

An excellent article on the opening episode of this season's Battlestar Galactica.

One thing that remains resonant with me as Battlestar Galactica pushes buttons and explores both spiritual and political themes is that... when we lose our sense of humanity, we lose our ability to thrive and evolve as a species. The only way that the cylons have been able to evolve is to take on human form, and to surprisingly, begin to feel, think and believe things that they hadn't anticipated when starting this whole "birthing" experiment.

It's equally as thought-provoking to experience the "human" cylons presenting a whole new "face" of "the enemy" to the fleet/civilians, making it more difficult for humans to kill them without thinking about it first. The same conflict is more and more present as the human cyclons interact with the fleet/civilians. It's interesting that what seems to be de-programming "Sharon" is her capacity to feel emotions like love, trust and recently... loyalty to people that she was once programmed to destroy. It's really an eloquent way to explore these issues without being "preachy" or taking one particular side.

I love Galactica because it explores all of the gray areas in some very deep and profound political, social and spiritual issues. These issues are far too complex to be cut and dried, black and white. When we begin thinking in black and white terms, we may as well all be robots too. I'm always so thrilled when art and fiction remind us of these very resonant real-life things... it's why I loved V for Vendetta, too... come to think of it, Galactica really has that same epic and profound scale as V for Vendetta... except on a weekly basis, which is great!

I'm really pleased that Galactica earned a Peabody Award, because it's been confounding and disappointing to see it passed by at the Emmy's and Golden Globes year after year. It's because Science Fiction has a "stigma" attached to it; it's been that way for years. Nobody on "the boards" of "esteemed Hollywood societies" want to give credit to Science Fiction as a relevant and award-worthy genre. I hope that maybe Galactica can tear down that stigma. I know that Entertainment Weekly and TV Guide have wanted it to take home some awards... maybe that will encourage the rest of the "industry" to take notice and give them the "official acclaim" that's been long overdue.

This season looks like it will be the darkest ever, and I cannot wait to see how life on New Caprica all unfolds.

SPOILER ALERT:

What did you all think of the first episode? What do you think is going to happen with Starbuck now that she has a half-cylon daughter?

Creepy Crawly Art By Me!

2006-10-05T17:36:00.000-05:00

I loved to draw when I was little... mostly, I'd draw album art from my favorite bands and hang the art as posters in my room, but I'd also create unique things like fashion designs and harlequin masks, which came purely from my imagination.

I've been working my ass off on getting an online store put up for Corvo, but as G and I discussed our goals, we realized that we didn't want it to be purely band merchandise; we wanted it to be a place to further express ourselves and proudly display our art.

I'm sure you've all heard of CafePress.com. It's been around for a long time, and I've seen a few of you sell stuff there. Since there's no overhead to start a shop, this seemed the best way for a starving band to get some t-shirts and stickers created for fans, without paying a ton of money and being stuck with a closet full of stuff we can't sell. Shortly after finishing our first two band designs, we started to come up with fun and original Gothic designs, which has been so much fun! Recently, I created a New Orleans Vampire themed design called "Lost Soul," and G created a creepy tree design called "Strange Garden."

For Halloween, I created a new design that I am so proud of, because I finally went out and bought myself a sketch book and illustrated my vision by hand. My idea was to create "wings" made of spider webs for the back of the shirts, and a black widow's "hourglass" for the front. Of course, Edward Gorey and Tim Burton are always huge inspirations to me visually, so... I'm sure you won't be surprised to see how my design turned out:

I even designed the widow herself! I am like a "proud mommy" with how this drawing turned out, and I'm already scheming to create more hand-drawn designs. The biggest surprise about this store is how I've reconnected with my ability to draw, which was buried a long time ago... I feel like a little kid again, and I'm having so much coming up with all sorts of deviant things.

So this is the part where I tell you to buy my "Widow Noir" t-shirts and accessories, especially if you want something for Halloween that nobody else will have! You'll help G and I with band expenses and you'll be contributing to a greater cause too. -We're donating 10% of sales from the "Dark Nature" collection to Oprah's Angel Network, to help continue to rebuild hurricane-ravaged areas of the United States. Not only are we donating 10%, we're going to match each 10% made from sales! Since black widows are the creepy crawly side of "dark nature," we've included this design in that collection, which will continue to grow [pun intended]. What's really cool about the Angel Network is that even $5 can go a long, long way. We realized this after watching what she and Jon Bon Jovi had done by building new houses for Katrina victims... and it inspired us to do something on a continual basis for people who are trying to rebuild their lives after having gone through natural disasters.

If you have any advice or input on the way we've designed our shop, or regarding ease of navigation, feel free to email me. I really want to make this a special place filled with unique and darkly artistic stuff that can help fund the band. What I'm really loving right now is that I want one of everything! It's really satisfying creating the kind of designs that I truly love myself, and would wear or put in my own house.

Perspectives of Fear

2006-10-03T16:34:00.000-05:00

From: NiNi
To: Husband
Subject: Huh?
"Our school children should never fear safety when they enter their classroom," Bush said.

Um... I doubt that they're fearing safety. Maybe concerned about their safety, maybe fear for their safety? What a blue-blooded cornhole.

-----Original Message-----
From: Husband
To: NiNi
Subject: RE: Huh?
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1933 Address

"The only thing we have is fear." -- George W. Bush, 2006 Address

--------------

Senators: Don't Cover Up for a Child Sex Predator

2006-10-03T13:12:00.000-05:00

[Contributed by Working Assets]

Americans were shocked to learn this past weekend that a United States Representative, Mark Foley (R-FL), had been sending sexually-explicit e-mails and instant messages to 15- and 16-year-old boys participating in the House Page (internship for high school students) program. Rep. Foley -- who, ironically, co-chaired the Missing and Exploited Children Caucus in the House -- has now resigned and checked himself into a clinic for rehabilitation of alcoholism.

But the members of the House leadership -- foremost among them Dennis Hastert -- were not shocked, because they already knew.

It's become quite clear in recent days that several other high-ranking members of the House of Representatives knew about Mr. Foley's despicable (and possibly illegal) behavior -- and took no steps to stop it. At least five prominent Representatives (Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-IL; Majority Leader John Boehner, R-OH; Rep. Tom Reynolds, R-NY; Rep. Rodney Alexander, R-LA; and Rep. John Shimkus, R-IL) have admitted that they knew of the initial set of inappropriate emails from Foley to a 16-year-old former House page.

Could it be that the House leadership cared more about protecting one of their own than protecting the safety of their teenage pages?

It has also been revealed that the FBI had copies of these email messages in July -- yet failed to act. Why? Was the Bush administration more concerned with protecting a powerful ally in Congress than with protecting children?

We need to get to the bottom of this matter immediately. The best disinfectant in a situation like this is sunshine -- and lots of it. Who knew what, and when? What laws (such as those prohibiting the solicitation of sexual acts from a minor) may have been broken, and who may have failed to report such cases to the appropriate authorities for prosecution? The American people have a right to know.

Congress rushed back into special session to intervene in the case of Terry Schiavo. They should interrupt their campaigning, return to Washington, and insist on an immediate full investigation and disclosure.

Call to action:
Click Here to Send an Email to Your Representative to return to Washington immediately for a special session of Congress to investigate the possible cover-up of Representative Mark Foley's sexual-predatory behavior.

The Los Angeles Times is now reporting that Rep. Foley's behavior was anything but secret on Capitol Hill.

You know... Oprah's main issue this year is to get laws put into place to truly bust and seriously convict child predators. I would love to see her jump all over this Foley situation.... she is just slightly influencial, after all.

Stolen Babies' Tim Burtonesque Video

2006-09-21T01:13:00.000-05:00

Stolen Babies

Dammit. I sure do wish that WE'D made this video! I think I like Stolen Babies' music, too.... it's definitely interesting.

Don't let the Senate let President Bush off the hook for breaking the law

2006-09-19T09:53:00.000-05:00

This week, the Senate is planning to quietly hold a vote that would pardon President Bush for breaking the law by illegally wiretapping innocent Americans.

The bill would let the administration off the hook for breaking the law and make it legal to wiretap Americans, in secret, without any oversight whenever they want to.

Democrats and some Republicans are holding strong against it, and if enough of us speak up we can stop it. Can you sign the petition opposing the Republican move to pardon President Bush for breaking the law?

[Please Sign the Petition]

Please also re-post this news in your blogs, or forward via email to your contacts! -Thanks.

It's Scrobble Time!

2006-09-13T16:12:00.000-05:00

Corvo Gothic Vogue Interview

2006-09-07T13:04:00.000-05:00

A warm and heartfelt THANK YOU to the amazing and talented artist, [Leroy Roper].

Other artists interviewed at [Gothic Vogue] include [Collide] and [Helalyn Flowers].

The models and artwork on this site are also truly amazing. We feel so honored to be a part of this online publication. THANK YOU, Leroy!

Rock Planet Interview

We were also interviewed for a popular music webzine from Bosnia and Herzegovina, Rock Planet. [Read the English Version Here]!

ABC: Tell the Truth About 9/11

2006-09-06T10:36:00.000-05:00

** URGENT ALERT **
Tell ABC to Cancel Their Inaccurate and Slanted Sept. 11th Program

[Click Here to Take Action]

On September 10th and 11th, ABC is planning to air a "docu-drama" called "Path to 9/11," which is being billed as "an objective telling of the events of 9/11." In fact, the film was written by an unabashed conservative who twists the facts to blame President Clinton.

Tell ABC to cancel this show.
[Click Here to Take Action]

ABC's new six-hour film was apparently screened in advance ONLY to conservative bloggers and journalists -- and received extensive praise from none other than Rush Limbaugh. The film is apparently also riddled with factual errors and distortions; former counterterrorism czar Richard Clarke has completely refuted one of the key scenes in the show.

It's simply stunning to think that as this fall's election approaches, a major television network would devote six hours of prime-time programming to air such a slanted and inaccurate program.

Tell ABC -- this type of inaccurate and slanted program does not belong on primetime television, and they should cancel this show.
[Click Here to Take Action]

*** Want to increase your impact? Share this message with everyone you know who's interested in unbiased reporting on the tragic events of Sept. 11th, 2001. ***

Aha!

2006-09-05T20:17:00.000-05:00

Speaks volumes about the state of our world, donut?

Christ: The First Celebrity?

2006-08-17T12:50:00.000-05:00

"I've gone to great lengths to express it in my work that Christ is the first celebrity. The crucifix is the most successful piece of merchandise ever created. I think the image of him dying on the cross is very violent. It's very sexual. It's very phallic. And I think it's intended to be all those things. It's intended to make women want to be married to Christ and make men want to be like him. And to cause fear. Some of the scariest buildings I've ever been in are churches. They're beautiful in their ominous architecture. And I think that image has caused more pain and suffering than a swastika or the hammer and sickle. And those images are taboo, while the crucifix will always be considered holy. But think of how many people died in the name of that image." -Marilyn Manson

I completely agree.

M O O D:

p e n s i v e

2006-08-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

OK Go

I saw this at Bon's Blog, and I just had to share it! It's definitely now on my "Shits-N-Giggles" video playlist. Talk about amazing, insane choreography!

So Wrong, It's Right

2006-08-02T17:40:00.000-05:00

Creating this iMix put me in such a good mood... and I was not a fun person to deal with Monday-Tuesday! Sometimes, all you need is a little brutal art to make the mind feel peaceful and balanced.

Weekly Scrobble: My Current Top 9

2006-07-27T11:21:00.000-05:00

[Because 9 is my lucky number].

I SO want that bat-trapeze-girl as a print or poster for my craft room!

My New Favorite Corvo Photo

2006-07-25T10:47:00.000-05:00

Corvo "Giallo"
Photo by G9.

I love, love, loooove this new photo of us! [Part of the "dark future metal" re-design]. I like that it looks like it's from a movie poster, because we're trying to keep our "cinematic" quality alive in the visuals, as well as the music. I love that this looks like it's straight from an Italian "Giallo" Murder Mystery. This is the image that we're printing on labels for our press kits. So on the cover of a red folder, labels will see this photo of us first. I wish I could tell you what our press kit envelopes look like, but... it's a bit of a secret that I don't want to give away. I have been hearing from our contacts that it's a very effective tactic.

The Valve is OPEN

2006-07-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

Probably only Bonnie will truly understand the meaning of that entry title, and that's okay by me!

*Breathing For a Moment*

SO. MUCH. GOING. ON. Where do I even begin?

Personal Stuff

For a while, I was blogging pretty deeply here about personal issues, in hopes that maybe those entries could help somebody else who's facing the same problems. Well, after a few weeks, I decided to remove those entries because I've found a way to share myself with others anonymously.

I admitted myself to a 12-Step program exactly six weeks ago, and that's when I decided to remove the entries. My main problem - all of my hugest problems - in life revolve around the fact that I am an addict. Although I [obviously] don't mind making it public that I'm recovering from addiction, I don't really feel compelled to share the sordid "process" here anymore. Not because I can't trust you all, but because... well... now that my band is starting to become more and more known, I just don't really want people to have the ability to track down every intimate detail of my journey. If it comes out in interviews, that's one thing - I won't hesitate to share, because I would hope that my story would help my fans and peers. But I also don't want to make myself so vulnerable in public that there is nothing left for me and the few people in my life that I know I can trust with my entire self. -And many of those trusted "few" are listed in that side bar to the left over there.

Many of you have known me since I first started blogging in... jeez... 2001? That's a long damn time to know somebody - even longer than high school or college friends. With that said, if you want to be in on this journey with me, I am totally fine with sharing it... just not here. Email me and I'll send you a link. It is on another blog, but it's completely anonymous. I have no problem sharing the sordid details with any one of you, I just don't want my fans to be in on so much of me that nothing is sacred anymore. And you don't have to say a word at the other place - it gets pretty raw over there... but if you want to "go there" with me, you can. Just ask me [and I won't be offended if you don't ask me]!

Recovery = Opportunity

So ever since I started the recovery process, it has felt like my life has come un-stuck. I mean, it's not like I was doing horribly for myself before, but I knew that I wasn't living my full potential. So.... it finally clicks with me that I have a disease to battle, and I start getting treatment. Shortly after I started getting treatment, WHAMO! The flood gates of amazingness have opened up for me, and I am... humbled and amazed at all of the wonderful things that have started literally coming in, as if I've opened a door. The journey's been difficult, too, don't get me wrong, it's really tough opening old wounds for the sake of true closure. But... damn. Had I known how truly easy it is to get that sort of help and clean out all of those wounds, I would have done this a long, long, time ago... but I was in denial. I had to hit a rock bottom first, and I did hit mine. And now, the healing is opening the valve.

The Band

We did a new photo shoot earlier this month, and a Blade Runner-esque redesign that we're very happy with. Our fans like it too! We're trying to get away from the "oooooh, I'm a spooooky gothy band" and more into Gothic and Pinup meets Sci-Fi and Horror... because G is Sci-Fi/Horror and I'm Gothic/Pinup... so it's a great way to combine what we each bring to the table stylistically.

Just in the last month, we've been approached regarding a tour in the Fall of 2007 - an arena tour in which each band is on one stage, and gets 45 minute sets! A huge band in our genre has signed onto the tour, so it would be amazing to get on the tour. Nothing is definite yet, so I'm not going to reveal any details... but no matter what happens, we know with all of our hearts that we'll be playing live and touring in 2007.

We've also been approached by a head hunter who places music in soundtracks. He's interested in shopping Fantomatique around! I can't divulge any details on this yet, but after doing some homework, I found out that he IS "legit." He's listed on the IMDB in film credits [including The Ring and War of the Worlds]! G and I are going to schedule a conference call with him and see what happens. It was just a relief to discover that he's "legit," because there's a lot of jackals out there that try to take advantage of indie bands. If this goes through, I will definitely follow up with a link to his site, so that you can see what this guy's business is all about... it's really great, and he will get nothing but promotion from us if this leads to something. [He's also placed songs on lots of TV shows including Grey's Anatomy, Charmed, ER, The Shield and Las Vegas]! So if we get a good relationship with him at least, this could be the start of... okay, um... this could just be an amazing open door for us. Oh, and he came to us! He found us at CD Baby and he loves "Fantomatique."

The Day Job

As all of this greatness has been arriving at my door step in my personal life, it's beginning to parallel at my day job. In short, I've come up with such a revolutionary idea at work, my boss is helping me to write a kickass pitch for it. The idea is SO good, I've copyrighted it. It could change the face of television, I'm not even kidding. If my network doesn't buy the pitch, I'm taking it elsewhere, it's that good. I'm hoping to get out to LA and make the pitch myself, and I'm really hoping that I will finally get the pay raise and promotion that I truly deserve. That's the plan.

Busy Bee Blogger

So now I'm really, really busy and unable to blog a lot, but it's all for really great reasons. I just hate it because it's all stuff that I can't really talk about yet, because it's in the "seed" stages... I promise you, the moment I see any sprouts or flowers, I'm going to be sure and let you all in on it!

Until then, I'll try to at least get my ass over here for some silly quiz stress relief or something. -And to read your blogs and catch up with you all... I miss you and I'm sorry that I haven't been able to be as social lately!

I Know a Professional Male Model!

2006-06-29T10:48:00.000-05:00

Riley Pants
twodolla's baby!

Okay, he's a dog [literally] named Riley, and he is beautiful!

Congratulations, Wendy! It's not everyday that one can brag about her pup being professionally photographed for a coffee table book! I would be absolutely *beaming*. These photos totally made me smile - thank you for sharing. The one I selected for this blog entry is my favorite.

Breaking the Illusion...

2006-06-28T11:44:00.000-05:00

Broken Glass
Originally uploaded by my new clever name.

I've come to believe that "love" and "conquer" should not be used together in the same sentence.

Being raised on Christian values and belief systems, I always held onto the concept that if I just loved enough, everything would be all right somehow. Relationships would be saved, life would transcend all obstacles, people wouldn't be so disappointing, I wouldn't be such a disappointment; diseases would be healed, life would be all that it was meant to be... if I would just continue to love.

After trying and trying and clinging so blindly to the concept that "love conquers all," I've finally realized that no, it does not. Sometimes, and often, love is not enough.

Love can get me through a lot, yes. Love can bring a desire to survive and to move forward, yes. Love can help me to be more gentle with myself and accepting of others, yes. But there will always be those times and those relationships in which clinging to love will utterly and completely shatter me... and I'm not willing to "go there" anymore.

After many, many broken years, I now believe that the greatest companion to love is listening to reason and knowing when to walk away. Perhaps the greatest way to show love - not just to others, but to myself - is to truly know when it is best to let go. Love does not conquer all, but surely, letting go will show me when love is actually worth fighting for.

Lily, I Hardly Knew Ye...

2006-06-27T17:45:00.000-05:00

There is a happy ending to the stray dog story. Right now, I don't have photos with me, but I'll add a few in after I write this entry [got some pretty cute ones]!

The short story is that Lily really needed a home that kept her stimulated 110% of the time. Even a mellow husky needs that attention, and we realized it within a week. MacReady did really well with her, but he just could not keep up with her. The two of them had too big of an age gap for us to be able to be fair pet owners, so we realized by last Thursday that we had to find her a home.

Luckily, Mom B's neighbor's friend really wanted to adopt Lily when he'd first heard about the dog, so we called to see if he was still interested. It was such a relief to find out that he was, and even more so to take her over to his house and find that his home was perfect for this lost little pup.

We got there with her and were greeted by the wife and the two kids. The kids were 10 and 12, a boy and a girl - very, very smart, very, very cute. It turns out the family already had three dogs, and that they just love animals so much... at first, we were a little concerned, but we sat with them and watched how Lily intereacted with the dogs and with the family... that dog was in heaven! The family's other dogs immediately liked her, and they played very friendly, like a little pack - just what Lily really needs. The boy also had said, "She's sleeping in my bed tonight!" So this is a family that has kids who can really spend time with their pets and give them lots of affection. It was cool too, because the kids were involved in taking the other dogs to pet training classes, so they both were really educated about "pack behavior," and about healthy ways to train dogs.

It really felt right, and we feel like we were her "human angels." We saved her from the streets, from the awful heat, we provided a loving foster home to her and found her a perfect permanent home. I didn't even feel broken hearted after we left her with the family that night - just happy for her... so happy. It would have been selfish to try and keep her.

I'll post photos later, but... she's happy and now has a family that she deserves.

M O O D:

r e l i e v e d

Oh...My...Goth

2006-06-23T15:51:00.000-05:00

Virus! Magazine Interviews CORVO

2006-06-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

Virus! Magazine Interview
Uploaded by NiNi.

We've received some awesome press this month in an extenstive interview for Virus! Magazine's website. We really enjoyed chatting our wonderful Virus! friends up, in particular, beautiful Sarah, editing Goddess and music fanatic, who has really been cheering us on from Day One. [THANK YOU, Sarah]! -Even G9 decided to speak up for this occasion! Enjoy.

Art...

2006-06-20T10:01:00.000-05:00

"Web Presence" by ghostbones.

"Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one."-Stella Adler

WOW

2006-06-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Mount Fuji
Photo by photosapience.

"To be nobody but myself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make me everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting." [Author Unknown]

PS - I'm going to Mom B's to see "Lily" tonight...photos will be taken.

Well, Hello Blue Eyes!

2006-06-12T11:08:00.000-05:00

Oh boy...what a weekend.

Short Story:

We may be adopting another Siberian Husky.

Long Story:

G's mom found her roaming the neighborhood in the 100+ degree heat last week. It took a few days, but finally, yesterday the dog came up to Mom B. and allowed her to take care of her. Sundays are "family dinner" nights, so G and I ended up meeting the dog last night...she's a black and white GORGEOUS young husky - we estimated her to be about 6 months old.

Of course, when we first met her, she was exhausted from the heat and very, very hungry, but also affectionate and not afraid of new people. She LOVED the sprinkler and welcomed getting cooled off by a summer hose-down. Once she got settled, she found an appetite and ate quite a bit of food. As the evening progressed, she got much perkier and curious, very at ease with us, and with Mom B.'s two shelties. We sensed that she was highly, highly adaptable and very easy going. Not at ALLLL as hyper as I've witnessed in other huskies, so she may be a freak of nature - a calm, well-adjusted husky. Then again, she may have been "calm" due to being disoriented and hungry, it was hard to tell.

After dinner, we all decided to let her into Mom B's house to see how the pup reacted indoors. She came inside, sniffed around a lot, found a rawhide bone and promptly laid down on the floor, going to work on the bone as if the house was her own. -Obviously, this dog has been pampered during her life so far, and she does well both inside and out...she's definitely house-broken.

*sigh*

I've already named her Lily.

The Dog's Story

"Lily's" coat was in PERFECT condition, and she wasn't emaciated or shy, so we concluded that somebody was missing her. Mom B's neighbor posted "found" signs [because she was helping feed and coax her into safety, along with Mom B. last week] all over the area, because that's the right thing to do. We all decided that if nobody claimed her, either we'd become her home, or we'd help Mom B. find her a good home. G's sis, Lissa was pretty close to adopting her, too, but her dog is too neurotic to have a new sister introduced into the pack.

Last night, Mom B's neighbor got a call from the owner's wife. "I'm the owner of that dog, and you can have it. I don't want it back. My husband loves that dog, and I'm sick of how much attention he pays to it. He's been out of town, so I let the dog go. Where are the other signs? I want to take them down, because I don't want him to see them posted when he gets back into town."

I mean...I KNOW people are scum, but....you really only see this kind of tripe on "Animal Cops" or Jerry Springer. I was absolutely astounded.

So here we are with this precious dog, knowing that this man's heart is going to be broken by his C-U-Next-Tuesday of a wife. I personally would rather spare "Lily" from being anywhere NEAR a woman like that - I'm sure it wouldn't be long now before the dog would start getting abused by her - ~~but...damn, should the husband even be notified of this?~~

I'm not even sure if Mrs. B's neighbor saved the woman's number, so this may not even be an issue anymore. But...if she DOES have the phone number, would YOU try to rat the bitch out, or would you just accept it as "fate" that the dog happened upon you?

Turns out, the number on neighbor lady's caller ID was "unknown," so we can't trace the call back to notify the husband, even if we'd wanted. I think that this dog had a grim future ahead of her as long as this horrible woman was around, so...maybe this is just the way it's supposed to happen?

Our Game Plan

Here's the thing. MacReady is getting to the end of his life span. He's healthy for 17, and it wouldn't surprise us if he lived to be 20, but it's also possible that he won't. It seems like "Lily" could be the one that we're meant to have once MacReady has left us. Then again, it could just be coincidence that "Lily" came into our lives at this moment...it's just so odd that a husky would walk into our lives at this point, AND that she's a well cared for puppy, AND a very "mellow" husky.

The HUGE "X-Factors" right now are, 1. Will MacReady and "Lily" get along? 2. How will she react with the cats?

We're going to let her stay with us this weekend from Friday evening through Sunday, then depending on how things work out, let her stay back at Mom B's until we've made a decision. The "bitch lady" told neighbor that she was about to get the dog spayed, and decided to "let her go" before spending more money on her.

My plan is to keep the cats in their own rooms when we introduce "Lily" and MacReady this weekend. That way, when the dogs are back outside together, the cats will come out into the house and smell her presence long before they meet her face to face. She'll also smell the cats around the house before they meet.

Of course when she meets the cats, she'll be on a leash first - just in case she thinks they're "food" and tries to chase them. Since she's so young, she'd succeed in catching them - unlike MacReady, who's just too old to care about the cats anymore. He's also used to them by now. I feel like if we were able to get MacReady and the cats to coexist pretty peacefully, we'll be able to do it with "Lily" too.

Really, it's going to be up to MacReady. We want him to be happy in his last years. We really want her to be a balance for him...we're hoping he'd welcome the company, and that her presence would curb some of his obsessive tendencies, like literally running around the yard ALL DAY in the summer heat. I think he may find comfort in having an "actual" pack member with him when we're at work during the day, and when he sleeps outside in the evenings. I've seen how calm and sweet she is inside, and even with two other dogs, she was fantastic...so I'm not worried about them tearing the house apart when we spend time with them inside.

Time will tell.....

I hope that it works out, because "Lily's" the last thing I thought about last night when I went to bed, and the first thing I thought about when I woke up....I think I've already fallen for her, but...it's not up to me...it's truly up to MacReady...

Time will tell...

Final Update

Mom B. said that Lily slept like an ANGEL outside last night, and that the thunder this morning didn't bother her at all. She didn't dig or chew on the fence, and she didn't even CRY when she was put outside. She's been both inside and out today, along with the two shelties, and Mom B. said that she does well in both situations. I just hope this will be the case at our house this weekend, too! Mom B. said that if we adopt Lily, she'll pay to get her spayed......

Again, time will tell...

I may end up visiting Lily this week!

Bauhaus + NIN in Concert: A Spiral Journey

2006-06-09T10:01:00.000-05:00

Bauhaus' Gotham made me so sad that I'd never see this legendary act perform live in my lifetime. It's tough being cultured and living in a mid-sized city that cares more about bringing acts like Motley Crue or Garth Brooks to town. To be fair, last year's Sounds of the Underground was a welcome, yet unprecedented show in "these here parts." However, upon not seeing my city listed in Entertainment Weekly for the concert of a lifetime, Bauhaus and Nine Inch Nails, a road trip was in order. Tickets were bought, a hotel booked, and an historical summer began "With Teeth" in Dallas, TX.

THE DOWNWARD

Tornado alley storm activity a few days prior to departure ushered in fairly moderate weather [i.e. mid-'80s to low-'90s, rather than mid-'90s to low 100s... that whole "South rising again" stuff I am quite certain is weather-related]. As my band/life mate "G" drove us through the abyss that is OK-TX interstate, the conversational flow landed upon our own band's future like a black butterfly atop a crimson poppy. Listening to the Gothic metal soundscapes of our alter-ego, CORVO, we sketched out our forthcoming debut's thirteen demo tracks, sorting out potential song order, taking notes on needed improvements, feeling pride in writing not only our own music, but music that we genuinely liked. Dreams, aspirations and goals for our creative future quickly turned lifeless miles of concrete slab into visions of sumptuous, velvet curtains, spectacular stage show sketches, and rows of occupied theatre seats. Someday, we mused, we would be the lucky ones like TV on the Radio, warming up crowds for pairings as perfect as Bauhaus and NIN. The ho-hum drive soon became a journey not unlike the most sacred pilgrimage to Mecca or Mount Fuji. This wasn't just a happy-go-lucky summer drive to a concert; this was creative research. And without conversations of sometimes seemingly lofty dreams, tomorrow's artistic pioneers die in the womb.

CREATURE COMFORTS

The surprisingly affordable concert tickets allowed us to plan an over-nighter at the venue's nearest Best Western, which had a neighboring, deliciously artsy 24-hour cafe called Buzz Brews. The menu and air conditioning of this cozy little diner/coffee shop would later become an oasis after three straight hours of windmill, pogo dancing and head banging in the Texas heat. The Best Western was boring like any other, but clean, bug-free and king-sized bed-y, five minutes away from the venue, and cheap. We weren't there to soak in the pool and do a day spa anyway; this trip was all about the music.

Once we reached the hotel and downed some raspberry iced tea from Buzz's, I pulled on a Lip Service halter dress - extremely lightweight, comfortable, and very black - and joined my Goblin t-shirt and shorts-clad rock star husband, continuing to our final destination, The Smirnoff Music Center.

PRE-SHOW ANTICIPATION

Unabashedly unfashionable, we arrived ten minutes prior to gate opening, greeted by a line of Gothic pilgrims who were as excited about this show as we. G and I giggled over how "surprising" it was to see so much black clothing in one line, and further dreamt of the day "our people" would soon be waiting in line to see us. Electing to find our seats before consuming snacks and alcohol, we presented our tickets to an usher who directed us to the very front of the section above the "expensive" seats. What? The very front? Even better than front row, our seats were right by the aisle. Of course, I claimed the outermost seat because I'm the dancer [i.e. spazzz] among us, to which enigmatic artist husband didn't argue.

As we people-watched and reserved energy for the music, I couldn't help but wonder [holy crap, "Carrie Bradshaw" moment, there] how many in this crowd understood how rare it was to be witnessing these two colossal bands performing side-by-side. G was lucky, he'd seen Nine Inch Nails open for Peter Murphy back in "the day." -It seemed that their careers had now come full circle, and complementary artists knew they'd mutually benefit from each other's audiences once again. In this decade's audience, enough mullets and hair metal tees were in attendance to make me a little concerned for Bauhaus' reception, but enough Skinny Puppy tees and fetish clothing provided a comforting balance.

TV on the Radio had it tough, performing right as the sun beemed its own stage lighting directly into the band's eyes. Yeesh. [Note to self: when playing outdoor venues in the summer, be like "Jackie O'-O'-Please-Don't-Die" and wear them big sunglasses]. TV on the Radio had the whole "wall of guitar sound" thing mastered, a strong lead vocalist, and obvious talent. Although they didn't seem to fit the niche audience that a Bauhaus and NIN combination would draw, they were a decent match to NIN's "mainstream alternative" crowd. They played a tight 20-minute set, making sure to do a shout-out to Bauhaus, which won my respect.

BAUHAUS

Bauhaus
Originally uploaded by kexplive.

Shortly after TV's departure, the sun mercifully allowed the stage to eclipse it and I recognized Daniel Ash immediately, clad in a white fur vest, black PVC pants, white sunglasses and ebony "Alfalfa-of-Little-Rascals-esque" ponytail. Much of the crowd went absolutely wild, mainly, the "Spiralers" in the orchestra pit [Note to self: sign up for The Spiral]. The moment the notes to "Double Dare" brought Peter Murphy on stage, it was clear to all in my section just how huge a Bauhaus fan this girl was. It was a good thing I went for smokey-smeary eye makeup, because had sweat not done it in, the overwhelming cascade of tears most assuredly did.

I won't be able to list Bauhaus' set, but I can tell you that they played a good forty-five minutes of pretty much everything I'd wanted. Surprisingly enough, they didn't play fan-favorite "Bela Lugosi's Dead," but it didn't matter to me, I was watching Bauhaus live and in the flesh! The light show was simple, but effective - colorful, well-placed spots, strobes and fog machine smoke. Peter Murphy's elegant, sexy posturing reminded me of a young, androgynous David Bowie gene-spliced with Mikhail Baryshnikov. I swooned and I screamed and I absolutely marveled at Murphy's grace, stature and sumptuous voice that made Ville Valo seem Emo. Peter Murphy is sex on a stage - plain and simple. All that I could think over and over again was, "Pushin' 50 and hotter than 20-somethings I've seen live. Unbelievable." The musicianship of Bauhaus has grown leaps and bounds, as has their stake in being one of the most important bands in the Gothic genre. It is absolutely right that they've decided to reunite and make new material - the underworld still needs them, and I'm ready to see them headline a tour of their own.

BETWEEN SET JITTERS

After the dark reverie that was Bauhaus, we waited for quite a while, but it didn't matter because let's face it, people watching at a show like this is pretty fun. Not only that, the hustle and bustle of the stage crew fashioning a light show of epic proportions was a sight to behold. As the stadium grew darker and more frantic with a now capacity-full crowd, the electricity in the air "couldn't be cut with a fucking light saber." [Just needed to borrow that, Patton]. Pre-show screams of anticipation soon became blinding, thundering anthems of recognition as Jeordie, Josh, Aaron, Allesandro and... what's that guy... oh yeah, Trent took the stage.

NINE INCH NAILS

First of all, a set list will not be present here, because I was too overwhelmed and in the moment to take notes. What matters is that I won't need to masturbate for months. I'll just break this experience down into key moments that I do remember.

The Lights. An enormous backdrop of larger lights towered on screens upstage, while smaller, more detailed lights took their place downstage in front of the band on what looked like a massive cage. Every so often, the downstage "light cage" would descend from the rafters, blow our minds, then disappear long enough for guitarist Aaron North to stage-dive into the audience or for Trent to throw his microphone into the first few rows. [Note to self: Join The Spiral]. The best way I can describe the light show is as light sculptures, because the lights looked 3D, almost like cartoon animations weaving their way in and around the band like additional members. This was cutting edge technology like I'd never seen, but used sparingly and effectively. My two favorite "sculptures" were red lava-like bubbles that cascaded and dripped down and around the band, as well as silver-white "talons" that wove themselves from up top and below, much like cave stalagmites and stalactites turned serpents. The lighting's piece de resistance was a final descent of TV-static sparkling around the signature NIN logo at show's end. [If I worked with this tour's lighting crew, I'd be damn thankful of how this show would look on my reel].

The Lineup. Trent may not be a band member monogamist, but he doesn't choose his musical partners flippantly. With established talent like Jeordie White [Marilyn Manson, A Perfect Circle], Josh Freese [Devo, A Perfect Circle] and raw talent like wild-child Aaron North, and key-master Alessandro Cortini, I experienced sounds from this group that cast slightly different, but fully rewarding hues on some of the older NIN favorites. The newer "With Teeth" tracks came to light with all-out virtuosity and musically throughout, the band followed Trent's lead with ease, while simultaneously making each part their own with full, eloquent authority.

The Family. There is just nothing like thousands of people singing together in unison to the favorite songs that bind all walks of life together as one. It's intense, it's the only world that exists at that moment, it's heated, it's passionate and it's connected. At a time of such dischord in society, it was so refreshing to find common ground with so many people. I've experienced this at many great concerts, but I have to say, it seemed even more intense with NIN fans. Currently, this is the most passionate crowd I've been a part of to date - yes, even more so than Metallica, Master of Puppets, 1985.

The Tribute. It only took the first song for me to feel implicitly that Trent was "on." Being an intuitive sort and vocalist myself, I tend to pick up on performances in ways that the average audience member may not. It didn't take long to see something coming from Trent that was above and beyond what I'd witnessed on NIN concert DVDs. Well, quite a ways into the show, he finally spoke to the audience, and I realized that my intuition was also "on." Words about Dallas and feeling "bittersweet" and memories of Dimebag Darrell poured out of Trent in a very honest and respectful way. As he dedicated "La Mer" to Dimebag, it was evident that Trent was performing for the spirit of a brilliant light this night, and I looked around the audience, halfway expecting to see Dime appear amid the flickering flames of loving fans. And I knew that the crackle in Trent's voice during "Hurt" had more to do with memories than of pain. It cast a beautiful, melancholy, yet powerful glow upon the experience and I'll never forget it. As a performer, I know what it's like to perform "to" somebody who's not with you in the audience physically, but surely in spirit, and it drives a performer in often unprecedented ways. It was an intimate experience to be there on a night when Reznor's vulnerability transcended beyond his own life and took on a deeper meaning that perhaps even surprised him.

The Truth. While immersed in this honesty, I understood the deeper undercurrent to what makes a Nine Inch Nails concert flow so differently. How everyone present isn't just an observer, but an active participant in every beautiful breakdown, every unabashed chorus, every ounce of raw emotion present in Reznor's work... his feelings are our own, and not only do we all know it, we feel it... and it's so good to feel, even if it's a huge "fuck you;" even when you don't want to admit it, it's so fucking good to feel again.

The Circle. Trent's honesty is still present and tangible in his art to this day, and I don't think it's going anywhere soon. Even after making it huge as a mainstream artist, he finds a way to strip down bare and make his people feel something with him, performing like there's nobody there, yet like he wants everybody there. To speak of this concert as inspiring is a gross understatement; so let me say that this journey hasn't stopped since these two musicians got back home. Both G and I have taken this into us as another seed to take root inside our creative selves. We've both only further realized how much we want to be better musicians; to transcend personal experience and to make people not only feel, but believe in something again. This will surely go on... and on... and on... and on... and on... and on... and on...

[Official Photos Dallas, 06.03.06]
[NIN Official]
[Bauhaus Official]

Okay, I Can't Resist...Let's Talk LOST Finale

2006-05-26T11:18:00.000-05:00

Did you love it? Did it disappoint you? What are your theories?

Overall Impact:

Personally, I thought it was fantastic because it's finally becoming so much more beyond the same "bubble" of people on just one island. It feels like WORLDS have just opened up and now I KNOW that this show is going to evolve way beyond what anyone ever expected! It feels like the show REALLY does have some "staying power" that many critics and viewers were unsure that it could have.

Theories/Thoughts:

I think that Desmond is still alive [I hope so, because he and Sayid are "my men!" ].

I also think that possibly "Henry Gale" and "the others" are a DIFFERENT "others" than what we think...that they might be "good guys" and that they nabbed Kate, Jack and Sawyer to help them fight against "the ACTUAL bad guys." I think that Michael and Walt probably WILL come back to help out...possibly unwillingly. AND there's a whole supernatural side to the island that is still a huge "?".

Also, I have a feeling that Penelope's dad may be involved with Hanso somehow...

Total Addiction

All I know is that I've got to buy Season 1 and watch it all over again this summer, because now I just KNOW that tons of hidden clues are buried everywhere, and watching the first seasons again [Season 2 will probably come out on DVD before Season 3 kicks in] will probably make the clues way less hidden, now that we know how the first 2 seasons end...

Good stuff. I haven't really been THIS hooked on a show since The Buffy Years.

Oh Goodie!

2006-05-24T14:46:00.000-05:00

05.24.06 Virus-Mag.com Press
Originally uploaded by Nini_Burkart.

We got some front-page press this week.
[Press release was written by me...I think I must be getting a little better at writing press releases, huh]?

It's really amazing that this type of thing seems to happen EVERYtime I start to entertain even just an OUNCE of doubt. The Universe keeps nodding at me: YES, you were meant to do this. YES, you're doing everything right. YES, even when you don't do things right, it's all good because you're so kickass at learning from mistakes. YES, keep going. YES, dreams do come true.

Summer's Shaping Up

2006-05-24T14:09:00.000-05:00

Two Big Events Planned So Far:

Bauhaus/Nine Inch Nails concert in two weeks - WOOOOOT!
Mom and Dad Rochon [my folks] visiting us the week of July 4th. YAY!

Life in the Now

I have a job interview at 3:00. It's with my current company in a different department....not sure that it will pay more, but hoping that it will. Loving the job description. It could be just what I need to move forward in the day-to-day life. I am totally open right now...

The Future

G and I have decided to start sending our demo to record labels. We cannot do all of this alone anymore. We're getting stretched too thin, and we need some help. We don't want a "major," just a decent indie that will take us as ARTISTS and help us grow. Yes, I DO believe that these labels exist...as a matter of fact, my "gut" is speaking to me about two in particular. In HEAVY research mode right now...and yes, we'll make SURE we get a good attorney, should a contract present itself...and I believe it will. Until then, the full length CD is going slowly, but surely. We've finished shooting for the Fantomatique video, and the editing process has begun. I just need to enjoy the PROCESS and not get all stressed out about all of the unknowns. This is ART. It's what I ENJOY. It's my passion, and what I was BORN to do. I'm not going to let all of this self-imposed pressure start to rob me of that joy. That's my promise to myself right here, right now in front of all [two] of you.

T.M.I.

I've had to PEE really badly all day today. It's nerves. I can't believe I've got a job interview...it happened when I least expected it, of course! But it's nice considering a new job at a time in my life when I'm not really feeling desperate or bitter about my current job situation. So...yeah, this should be good.

M O O D:

h o p e f u l

Corvo Played on Rue Morgue Radio!

2006-05-12T16:46:00.000-05:00

Corvo Played on Rue Morgue Radio!
Originally uploaded by Nini_Burkart.

Oh my Dark Lord...I don't know that anybody could ever imagine how HUGE this day is for us!
*JUMPING OFF THE WALLS*

Wow, with Rob Zombie and Tom Waits on the same show? I'm absolutely...speechless...what a day! And how FUN is it to hear DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's Nightmare on Elm Street? Tomb Dragomir [the DJ of RMR] did his own remix of it and it's a fun little '80s flashback!

Listen to / download Rue Morgue Radio here. [You can download archived shows too - ours will be the May 12th 2006 show]!

06-06-06 - The Music of the Beast

2006-05-02T17:40:00.000-05:00

Ha ha ha! This is just too funny. I wonder if there will be an uprising of the Iron Maiden opposition?

Yep...That's About Right

2006-05-02T12:06:00.000-05:00

The Cure Shares Your Taste in Music

See their whole playlist here (iTunes required)

Which Musician (or Group) Shares Your Taste in Music?

The Reality of Love

2006-05-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don`t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." - Anais NiN

WOW.

M O O D:

a r t e e s t i c

The Omnivore's Dilemma

2006-04-27T11:06:00.000-05:00

"It became obvious to journalist Michael Pollan in the summer of 2002 that America had a national eating disorder.

That July, The New York Times Magazine published an article titled "What if It's All Been a Big Fat Lie?" which reported that a growing number of respected nutritional researchers were beginning to conclude that perhaps Dr. Robert Atkins had been right all along: Carbohydrates, not fats, were the cause of America's obesity problem.

Almost overnight, in Pollan's estimation, bakeries went out of business, dinner rolls in New York restaurants went the way of the pterodactyl, and pasta became regarded as a toxin.

'These foods were wonderful staples of human life for thousands of years,' Pollan told Truthdig, 'and suddenly we've decided that they're evil. Any culture that could change its diet on a dime like that is suffering from an eating disorder, as far as I can see.'"

DAMN. I mean....damn. I believe he's completely right.

The entire interview is VERY interesting. His book, The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History in Four Meals is another I'll be adding to my wish list, because in my heart of hearts, I know that I'm an omnivore [not a vegetarian or vegan, even though I've tried to be]...and I'd be interested to read what he has to say about it. I think it would be a great companion piece to what I've been learning about lately, regarding the concept of intuitive eating and getting back to eating as many natural food sources as possible.

[Interview found at The Sustainable Table Blog]

Corvo Insiders E-Newsletter

2006-04-20T13:11:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to let you all know that we're starting a monthly [or bi-monthly] E-Newsletter called "Corvo Insiders." It's sort of like a fan club, except it's free. We'll be posting exclusive news and downloads and fun stuff like that through the E-Newsletter, as well as emailing all "hot" news updates to our subscribers before making it public.

We will also randomly draw names every month to give away fun prizes, so if you'd like to keep up on all-things-Corvo AND have a chance to win free stuff, feel free to sign up!

[I don't always post everything that's going on with Corvo here, so this is a good way for you to really keep in touch with my creative life, if you're interested].

xxx,

F-F-F-Fashion!

2006-04-05T14:17:00.000-05:00

Catwalk God(ess)
59% Flamboyance, 77% Originality, 66% Deliberateness, 52% Sexiness

[Flamboyant Original Deliberate Sexy]

You know fashion inside out but you're far from being its slave. To you fashion is what you decide to wear. You've got great, if unconventional, taste and plenty of courage to put your ideas into practice, which inspires admiration; but few have guts to copycat you. I suppose it doesn't worry you because to you originality counts. You are self-confident, perhaps even arrogant, and consider a day wasted when no one gives you an interested or shocked look. Great job.

The opposite style from yours is Librarian [Tasteful Conventional Random Prissy].

All the categories: Librarian Sporty Hottie Office Master Uptown Girl/ Boy Brainy Student Movie Star Fashionista Glamorous Soul Fashion Enemy Bar Cruiser Kid Next Door Sex Bomb Hippie Kid Fashion Rebel Fashion Artist Catwalk God(ess)

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 53% on Flamboyance
You scored higher than 99% on Originality
You scored higher than 88% on Deliberateness
You scored higher than 62% on Sexiness

Link: The Fashion Style Test written by mari-e on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Hmm...I suddenly feel the need to go SHOPPING.

M O O D:

g l a m o u r o u s

Birthday Back-Post

2006-04-04T14:21:00.000-05:00

I'm totally cheating by doing a birthday entry after the fact and back-dating it to April 4th, but...I couldn't let the day go un-marked.

I called in "sick" on my birthday, slept a lot, read a lot, watched some Oprah shows that were on the TIVO, then went to the gym when G got home from work and capped it off with a lovely home-cooked meal. I didn't even TOUCH the computer...I just completely "off-lined" myself, and it was wUnderful!

It's sorta lame when birthdays fall on weekdays, eh? When I woke up yesterday, I said to G, "I'm not going to work on my Goddamn birthday!" And I'm glad I didn't, because then it would have been lame, rather than a refreshing "me day." G and I will be doing some real celebrating together this weekend, which I'm looking forward to.

G bought me the Gothic Bellydancing DVD for my birthday, which we watched last night. WOW, what an amazing source of inspiration. Really gorgeous costumes, music and set design - very high production value, and some AMAZING choreography! I will be dusting off my Bellydancing for Beginner's DVD for sure, and finishing up the routine I'd started learning. I'd like to incorporate some Gothic bellydancing into Corvo stage shows, especially to the songs like Fantomatique, which are mostly instrumental. That's the plan. We'll be filming a video for Fantomatique this year, so I will be designing some choreography to it for sure.

I'd always wanted to be a dancer, but had gotten it lodged into my brain that I was too short. With that stigma and my parents being too poor to give me proper lessons, it remained a fantasy that I've never stopped entertaining. Well, now that I'm learning bellydancing, my dream to be a dancer is very real. It's a wonderful dance for all body types, and incredibly intuitive - I love intuitive art. It's also great for curvy women like me...it's the perfect time NOW to start learning "dance," and bellydancing is perfect for ME.

Anyway, I spent much of yesterday in a very introspective state. My birthday is [to me] the start of a new year...I approach it with goals and reflection, which I don't really do during traditional New Year's because awards season fucks up any sense of introspection that I may WANT to have!

I'm doing something really, really revolutionary in my life right now. Part of me wants to blog about it, but then part of me is afraid to, because it's going to show some vulnerability and delve into some serious issues that I need to write about. To the few of you who do read this blog: Would it make you uncomfortable if I just delved into it and wrote about what I'm dealing with?

Part of me wants to keep this a "puff" blog and just post quizzes, rant and rave about politics and pop culture and post band updates...but the other part of me desperately needs it to be a deeper kind of place in which I explore myself and deal with some issues and healing....

How vulnerable do I want to [openly] be? I don't know. Then again, those of you who DO read this are my dearest friends, so I have nothing to hide from you. What are your thoughts?

And a Chaser of Wisdom...

2006-03-30T11:17:00.000-06:00

WOW. Just after I wrote that post, my little "random quote" generator became....not-so-random:

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. -Confucius

The Organic Dairy Report

2006-03-30T10:29:00.000-06:00

I do not have the willpower to be vegan. Hell, I don't have the willpower to be fully vegetarian and I've lost the willpower to be 100% pescatarian.

However, I am vegetarian about 75% of the time, which is a good start. I pride myself on being really conscientous about my food, especially when it comes to meat and dairy. There is a way to eat responsibly as an omnivore; it just takes a little extra money and some education. The 25% of the time that I do consume meat, I buy it organic and "free range." It's extremely important to me to consume dairy that is from ethical farms that uphold truly organic standards.

This organic dairy report from the Cornucopia Institute was released yesterday, and it's both sobering and helpful.

I'm really relieved to find Stoneyfield Farms' yogurt rated as "excellent," because I eat it just about every day. Their milk rated as very good [but I drink soy milk anyway], as did Ben & Jerry's ice cream...not that I am able to eat ice cream anymore, unless it is lactose free, but...it's good to know that when I splurge on it occasionally, I can still trust B&J's.

What deeply disappointed me was seeing that Horizon Dairy is on the list of "ethically challenged" organic dairy farms. I guess the lesson to learn here is that if your "organic" dairy starts showing up in Wal Mart, any chance of that farm's quality and standards of practice are gone at that point. [Actually, now reading through the farm's history, it was never very ethical to begin with - LIARS].

I fucking hate it that in my neck of the woods, Wal Mart is a "necessary evil." There isn't a Whole Foods market every few miles and a vast amount of farmer's markets to shop at. We have one Wild Oats on the other side of town, a farmer's market waaaay out in the "boonies," and our weekly city "farmer's market" is open for like....four hours on a Saturday. Oh, but we have a Wal Mart every city mile - thanks, Tulsa! At times I do have to shop at Wally World, and during those times, I have at least found some comfort in the ability to purchase "organic" food there, such as Horizon dairy products. Well...consider me enlightened....and deeply disappointed. Even when I want to do the right thing, America's food "standards" don't make it easy for me to do so. It troubles me, and I hate it. It's one of the reasons why I want to leave Tulsa and move to a city that supports organic grocers and local farms more than fucking Wal Marts.

I think that companies like Horizon are WORSE than Tyson, because Horizon operates under the guise of being responsible and ethical. They're making money off of my TRUST that they're doing the right thing. At least with Tyson, I KNOW what they are, so I don't even go NEAR their food. But with companies like Horizon, they PRETEND to be "animal friendly," and they make money off of my desire to be a RESPONSIBLE consumer. THAT [I believe] is far more evil than companies like Tyson [not that I'm buying anything from either ~~anytime soon~~ ever].

The real lesson to learn here is that in America, even organic standards are seriously at risk. We who care really need to be vigilant and vocal. Organic does not always equal a better choice....not in America.

*sigh*

Do you ever feel that sometimes, ignorance really is bliss? Do you sometimes envy the people who love Wal Mart, buy their Tyson chicken parts at $2.00 a pound, feed their families "well" on very little money, work their 9-5 jobs, sport their "W" magnets on their cars and seem to feel that the world is just fine that way? Sometimes, I secretly do. Because the world...well, maybe just America, I don't know...but this society revolves more and more around that kind of person than around those of us who want to make it a better place. Convenience is more valuable than conscience these days, and it's killing our species while fattening the wallets of Kings. I swear, it gets awfully damn lonely, frustrating and sad being so completely aware of this...

But I choose to fight. I choose to feel, and to think on my own, and to express and to uphold ideals that are worth the fight. It's what I do. It isn't easy, but it's who I will always be.

M O O D:

s a d

WHOA!

2006-03-21T15:53:00.000-06:00

I googled Corvo to see if the webcrawlers/spiders are starting to pick us up yet [the answer is yes, they are]. Imagine how elated I was to find this posted to a topic regarding "Bands Who Deserve More Recognition" at the Gothic.net forums:

Pathogen. 02-14-2006 12:15 PM
A new band I've been checking out lately that deserves hella recognition is Corvo. 2-piece Electro-Gothic band. So far, I heard 5 songs of theirs & they're amazing. I'm surprised Metropolis or Dancing Ferret Records hasn't signed them or discovered them yet. Corvo's music is kind of hard for me to describe, so check out the Mp3s on their websites/webpages & I'll let you be he judge.

*www.corvo-music.com

*www.myspace.com/corvo

"So scary, it's beautiful."

If we did ever sign to a label, Metropolis Records is one that we've considered and will at least approach for distribution. We've seen them really raise The Birthday Massacre to the top, and their roster of artists in the Gothic genre is enormously impressive. So....that's quite an amazing sight to behold - witnessing a fan saying that we belong on that label! That's definitely going to be added to the "feedback" page.

*Still Bewildered*

Sometimes, I feel like I'm outside my body watching these rising stars paving their way to success...it feels like I'm just "Jeannine" and I'm going about my routine, and that "NiNi" is my cool sister that I keep in touch with...I am living the surreal life, lemme tell ya...and it's really getting fun!

M O O D:

b o i i i i n g ! ! !

Faith is a Crock

2006-03-18T13:25:00.000-06:00

Deep Thoughts By NiNi Handy

As I was drifting off to sleep the other night, a thought struck me:
"Faith is non-negotiable."

WIKIPEDIA'S Definition of Faith:

The word faith has various uses; its central meaning is similar to "belief", "trust" or "confidence", but unlike these terms, "faith" tends to imply a transpersonal rather than interpersonal relationship – with God or a higher power. The object of faith can be a person (or even an inanimate object or state of affairs) or a proposition (or body of propositions, such as a religious credo). In each case, however, the faithful subject's faith is in an aspect of the object that cannot be logically proven or objectively known. Faith can also be defined as accepting as true something which one has been told by someone who is believed to be trustworthy. In its proper sense faith means trusting the word of another.
Believing in what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.

I guess what it all comes down to is that with faith, you have to shut out the world to believe what's inside. With love, you take what's inside and radiate it out. Faith requires blinders but love illuminates.

There's a reason why the term "faith based initiatives" sounds off an alarm in me, and there's a reason why when I drive past a church here in town that has a huge "Faith" shield on top of it, I shudder at the thought that thousands and thousands - probably millions by now - are being fed that sort of doctrine.

I just hope that in time, love will prevail.

M O O D:

p e n s i v e

Raven Fae

2006-03-09T10:29:00.000-06:00

Raven Fae
Originally uploaded by Nini_Burkart.

I MUST have this in a print. *sigh* I love Amy Brown's work.

And you know...in my fantasies, this is *totally* how I look. Well....besides my little "patron" emoticon that G swears IS me. Sometimes, when I email him, he visualizes my emoticon's expressions rather than my own! It's really quite silly.

Speaking of fantasizing about looks and all that jazz, I want just about every item Gypsy Moon's clothing for my Corvo wardrobe. -Especially the designs she made based on Amy Brown's art....absolutely amazing stuff. I think it would be worth every penny to have a wardrobe fulla that...I mean, for the stage, though...don't worry, I'm not about to wear a set of wings to work or anything......yet.

Poor Granny-Mom

2006-02-28T11:19:00.000-06:00

Today is my Grandma Rochon's 87th birthday...and she was admitted to the hospital last night with a lung infection.

And I thought that having to put my cat to sleep last year for my birthday was shitty.

I hate it that I can't be there to visit her in person right now. But I did call my favorite flower store in Wausau [Evolutions in Design] and ordered a huge birthday/get well bouquet that they'll be delivering today. My mom sent me her room number, so G and I will call to let her know we love her and are sending healing energy her way.

The good news [about her] is that she was never much of a smoker - quit when she was in her 30's, I believe, and she's really pretty healthy overall. She's far from a frail elderly woman. She's obese and has some circulation/joint problems, but she rarely gets sick...so I think she'll be able to fight this off.

The bad news *sigh* is that my mom told me that she's depressed a lot. A LOT. She lives with my parents, so she's not always alone, but her other kids [my aunt and uncle] hardly ever come up to see her. My uncle's got an excuse - he lives a few states away, but my aunt does not [she only lives a couple hours away]. Grandma Jeanette's grandchildren are all spread out all over the country too, so we don't all get to visit her as often as we'd like.

I call her for every special occasion, and sometimes not for any reason at all - just to see how she's doing. I send her cards and I send her flowers on her birthdays when I can afford it. I try to do everything that I can to make her feel loved, but the rest of my family often falls pretty short. Makes me sad for her...makes me sad for elderly people in general. That they often feel forgotten...I always envy Asian, Native American and Latino cultures because they have so much respect for their elders. Age is valued in those cultures, not alienated. Once again, America is so screwed up that way...fighting age and fearing it and running from it. I just hope that her depression doesn't take over and prevent her from getting well. I really want to see her in May when we go to Wisconsin for a week.

And today when I feel helpless, I just need to keep remembering that across the miles, I am doing all that I can to bring a smile to her face and to make her feel special on her birthday.

This Week's AudioScrobble

2006-02-24T13:21:00.000-06:00

Weekly Political Post

2006-02-24T13:07:00.000-06:00

What is wrong with this picture, hmmmm? They've really put the "FOX" into Faux Pas, eh? Even the GOP Propaganda Channel can't hide from the truth.

How relieved am I that new episodes of Real Time With Bill Maher have begun? VERY. Because while I'm in constant tears about the state of our nation, I can also have a good, bitter laugh and find comfort in the fact that the United States has not completely lost its freedoms...quite...yet.

Friday = Blog Day

2006-02-24T11:25:00.000-06:00

I almost shut this baby down this week. Seriously and truly...

But there's so much exciting stuff going on in my life right now, it would be a shame to stop journalling it. It's tough though, because I don't really have the time to blog...I need to devote all of my extra time and energy to the band, to evolving our dreams, to moving forward...but to not journal about it all would be silly. Someday, I'll look back upon this time and want to read about how it all started, how it all progressed...

So I've decided to make Fridays my blogging day. I don't have time to blog every day, but once a week is definitely do-able. And Fridays can be a good day to reflect upon the week, prepare for the weekend and also get caught up with all of my friends in the bloop. Oh, and to procrastinate at work.

I've come to realize that I've been blogging far too many years to stop now. It's almost like I need to recommit to it, but reign it in at the same time. If I commit to just one day a week, I'll be blogging regularly rather than sporadically, but not so much that it starts to overwhelm me. So in reigning it in a bit, I'm also committing to being a regular blogger...which means that I could potentially make this a blog of quality rather than quantity. Hmmm...what a concept!

So that's the plan. It's all about compromise.

Addictions

2006-02-16T15:12:00.000-06:00

Audioscrobbling

YouTube.com

Why? [Click here to find out]

StumbleUpon.com

I thought I'd already seen everything on the 'Net until I downloaded the Stumble Upon browser! It's where I found BabyAnimalz.com, by the way.

No. 1 Kitchen

A new Chinese restaurant that moved in across the street from us. They also serve SUSHI. We have eaten there 2-3x a week since they opened. We found out last weekend that spicy lobster roll + champagne = Food of the Gods. We're doing more of that this weekend as a second Valentine's Day celebration. Oh and they cook with 100% vegetable oil, so it's not all heavy and greazy and nasty.

Speaking of Addictions

Why are my soaps suddenly so Goddamn serious??

General Hospital: A deadly epidemic is sweeping over the city and even worse, the run-amok virus is a mutation that has been developed in a lab somewhere by THE GOVERNMENT for biological warfare. People - including characters that I've grown up with since grade school - are DYING on the show and have been almost at death's door...like...every day now for the last couple of weeks.

Maybe this is a good thing, because I've been deleting episodes off the Tivo for the first time in a long time. Maybe it will make me pick up a book.

The OC: Cute surfer guest star boy falls from a cliff and DIES. I'm just thankful for the whole "socialite debutante turned trailer Goddess" storyline...that's some great comic relief. "Gus, I told you I didn't want any pigeon pie!"

The L Word: Favorite character gets breast cancer which has already mestasticized and she's at death's door. But...the Pam Grier with "bony-assed white boy" love story is funny. And Alan Cumming is sheer genius. That is one sexy-ass...um...bisexual?

Anyway, I know it's intelligent to cover relevant social issues in TV shows, but on all three of my soaps at once? I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! I never thought I'd find Lost and Battlestar Galactica to seem waaaay easier to watch than General Hospital and The OC. The L Word has always had a lot of dark stuff woven in it, so...okay, that's fine, L Word. But OC and GH? Get back to beautiful people falling in and out and in and out of love again, okay? I know it's February sweeps but...your job is to BE my Prozac, not make me feel like taking it, okay?!

M O O D:

s a s s y

Yes, That's EXACTLY What I Mean!

2006-02-13T14:12:00.000-06:00

Got this from a music newsletter that I'm on, submitted by a guy who understands the lies and who won't tolerate them either. And he's only 18! By Gods, maybe there is some hope for the future of music after all!

When you talk about image you're right it's more about what you say in your art then how you look. But you know what i've learned in my very short 18 years of life on this earth? Image is like the sprite commercial so aptly put it, nothing. Image is a load of bullshit everyone in the music industry decided to conjure up to help them sell records when there was no talent to be sold to us. Hence Britney Spears. She had that classic innocent southern innocent but gorgeous angle to her and the record execs said fuck it, it'll sell, and put it out there. This "music" is an insult to my intelligence. Where's the expression of yourself? You've got somebody writing the lyrics for you, your producer coming up with the beat over a fucking computer with no soul, and then the one part these pop stars today have to do, sing, is drastically altered over this same bullshit computer. You want real music? Go see a Robert Randolph and the Family Band show. Go listen to Blood Sugar Sex Magik. Go see Pearl Jam. Go see moe.. Do anything but just use your brain and don't listen to this bullshit that is nothing more than music without any balls. These mentioned bands didn't care about image and basically gave the rest of the world a big FUCK YOU by doing what they want. THAT is where music really
lives. [Bill Kain]

EFF YOU American Idol, EFF YOU Grammy Awards, EFF YOU RIAA, EFFF-U-ALL!

M O O D:

f i e r y

Luciano George Pavarotti of The Jungle

2006-02-07T11:11:00.000-06:00

Luciano George Pavarotti of The Jungle
Originally uploaded by Nini_Burkart.

"Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Fiiiiiigaaaaaroooooo-oh-oh-oh!"

[Swiped from BabyAnimalz.com - prepare for cute of epic proportions]!

C is for Cookie

2006-02-03T14:10:00.000-06:00

[That's Good Enough For Me]

You will never be able to hear death metal again without possibly giggling just a little...

The Federal Budget in Oreo Cookies

2006-02-02T17:51:00.000-06:00

This is awesome! Definitely worth a watch.

TrueMajorityACTION Oreos

Don't worry, I'm not turning this into a political blog...just getting out my concerns and passing the important stuff forward.

Misstatement of the Union - FactCheck.org

2006-02-02T17:43:00.000-06:00

This is an excellent objective way to dissect DubYa's candy-coated, disinformed State of the Union address. Remember: Knowledge is power!

[Click to Read Misstatement of the Union - FactCheck.org]

M O O D:

s t i l l - p i s s y !

The United States was founded on Christian principles

2006-01-31T12:54:00.000-06:00

Snagged from Brian Flemming.

Take the Quiz.

I am proud to announce that my results have deemed me a First Amendment Scholar. Everyone should take this quiz...when you get the results, it also tells you all of the answers, so there is much to be learned, even if you don't do so well with it. So take this quiz and more importantly pass it on!

The only way we're gonna change anything in this ignorant country is to start dispelling myths and sharing the unadulturated facts about the topics at hand. For a country that is so obsessed with "Truth," it's amazing how quickly it trusts its future with absolute liars....and that "urban legends" hold more importance than actual fact checking and research. Makes me so angry, I could just vomit.

I am steamed about Alito's appointment - absolutely steamed. Things just keep getting darker...I want to move to Sweden [one of the most Atheistic countries in the world].

M O O D:

n o - h o p e

Support a Filibuster Against Judge Alito

2006-01-27T09:03:00.000-06:00

:: Click Here to Sign the Petition ::

This is SO very important - please get the word out that this petition is available!

A Few More Words From Senator Kerry [i.e. MY President]:

If Judge Alito gets on the Supreme Court, it will be an incredible mistake for America. And remember, this is one mistake that we can never take back.

I voted against Justice Roberts, but I feel even more strongly about Judge Alito. Why? Rather than live up to the promise of "equal justice under the law," he has consistently made it harder for the most disadvantaged Americans to have their day in court. He routinely defers to excessive government power no matter how much government abuses that power. And, to this date, his only statement on record regarding a woman's right to privacy is that she doesn't have one.

There isn't a shred of doubt in my opposition to Judge Alito's nomination. I spent a lot of time over the last few years thinking about what kind of person deserves to sit on the highest court in the land, so I don't hesitate a minute in saying that Judge Alito is not that person. His entire legal career shows that, if confirmed, he will take America backward. People can say all they want that "elections have consequences." Trust me, I understand. But that doesn't mean we have to stay silent about Judge Alito's nomination.

President Bush had the opportunity to nominate someone who would unite the country in a time of extreme division. He chose not to do this, and that is his right. But we have every right -- in fact, we have a responsibility -- to fight against a radical ideological shift on the Supreme Court. This nomination was a sellout to the demands of the extreme right wing of the Republican Party. The president gave no thought to what the American people really wanted - or needed. So now that the president and Judge Alito have proven they won't stand up for the majority of Americans, we have to stand up. We have to speak out. That's the true meaning of "advice and consent."

Sincerely,

John Kerry

Which Rock Chick I Am

2006-01-26T10:39:00.000-06:00

Ooooh, I like this answer a LOT.

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Thanks, Bon!

Oh what the hell, I'm gonna take the other quiz too. It's morning coffee time...perfect for one more quiz.

You are the Moon card. Entering the Moon we enter

the intuitive and psychic realms. This is the

stuff dreams are made on. And like dreams the

imagery we find here may inspire us or

torment us. Understanding the moon requires

looking within. Our own bodily rhythms are

echoed in this luminary that circles the

earth every month and reflects the sun in its

progress. Listening to those rhythms may

produce visions and lead you towards insight.

The Moon is a force that has legends attached

to it. It carries with it both romance and

insanity. Moonlight reveals itself as an

illusion and it is only those willing to work

with the force of dreams that are able to

withstand this reflective light. Image from:

Stevee Postman. http://www.stevee.com/

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

My 5 Weirdest Habits

2006-01-26T10:25:00.000-06:00

Yay, Nina tagged me! I love being meme-tagged!

Okay now, only two of these are what I would consider weird "habits," meaning that it's something that I do subconsciously and regularly without realizing it, and it's something that somebody else brought to my attention. The rest are just weird quirks or preferences. G helped me with one of the weird habits, and we've both been cracking up ever since we talked about it last night!

Here we go:
1. [This is the weird habit G told me about]. When I brush my teeth, rather than drink water from a cup to rinse out my mouth, I take my toothbrush, hold it under the faucet, then "slurp" the water from my toothbrush several times to rinse. In G's exact words, "It's as if your toothbrush is a spoon and the water faucet is a delicious bowl of soup, and you're slurping the soup." So now all night and all morning, we've been going, "*Slurp, slurp, slurp* - 'that's good soup!'"

2. I chew ice cream. - This was pointed out to me by my little brother back when we were kids, and I still to this day do it!

3. I sing in a really silly, squeaky voice to my pets and wind up creating special theme songs specific to each pet. Two examples:
3a.My recurring song for MacReady: "He is my Pooky bear...he has the reddest hair... he is so very fair...he wears no underwear...he is my pooo-oooo-oooo-kee bear!"
3b. My "theme song" for Sprite: "Kitty with the white bell-ee! She's my kitty with the white bell-ee! Kitty with the white, kitty with the white, kitty with the white bell-eee!"

4. If I'm really really really scared to watch a movie [like The Exorcist or The Devil's Rejects], I watch the "making of" extras before I watch the movie itself, because it helps me remember that "it's only a movie."

5. I rub Vicks on my nose every night before bed, and every time I'm going to be singing for long periods of time. Whether I have a cold or not, I use Vicks constantly. I'm sure that when I move to a less allergy-ridden state, this habit will change...or will it?

Now then, I tag...Bonnie, Toshya, Cory, Sneffnee and C.C.! [Nina beat me to tagging Nico]!

Attack of the 500 pixel emoticon!

2006-01-25T21:49:00.000-06:00

Attack of the 500 pixel emoticon!
Originally uploaded by Nini_Burkart.

Oh my Goddess. I posted this teeny-tiny little emoticon to wish a new fan "hello" on mySpace and...BAM! She blew up into a HUGE emoticon! G and I laughed our asses off - I was actually in tears. I love how her fangs look when she's trying to take over the world. "HOW ARE YA?!!!!"

To REALLY appreciate this, you have to view it full size!

Goddess Rock: An Interview with NiNi Burkart

2006-01-23T13:20:00.000-06:00

Goddess Rock: An Interview with NiNi Burkart
Originally uploaded by Nini_Burkart.

My very first "public" interview! It's at Phenomena Magazine's Website, in the "Into the Fringe" category. You may even learn some things about me that you haven't known before...let me know your thoughts!

[Click Here to Read "Goddess Rock: An Interview With NiNi Burkart"]

PS - I also made [today's front page at the website]!

Our CD is On Sale Now!

2006-01-21T19:49:00.000-06:00

CORVO: TERROREYES: The Demos

Described as "so scary it's beautiful" and "sexy as hell," Corvo's signature sound is a macabre mix of aggressive, avant-garde electronics, horror film-inspired organ and piano, and powerful, passionate female vocals.

EEEEPS! This is so exciting. Okay, I'm just going to re-post what I wrote over at the Corvo Blog.

--------------

Hello My DarkWings!

Damn, it's always tough taking down songs that have a nice amount of plays listed next to them [*sniff - single tear*].

To celebrate the release of our CD, TERROREYES, we've uploaded the remastered songs to the MySpace player. Keep in mind, they're never going to sound nearly as good as the CD itself, since mySpace only allows itty-bitty file sizes to be uploaded.

TERROREYES: The Demos - The Inside Scoop

Honestly, we had originally planned on just sending this CD out as our official demo to the media, labels and all that jazz. But we've been getting enough requests from you all, that we've decided to make it for sale as well. We'd like to give it away for free to everyone, but we'd go absolutely broke. We will have contests over the coming months, so opportunities to win free CDs will be available.

The CDs are autographed, and limited release. Both "Zann" and "Fantomatique" will not be found on any future releases [unless we end up on some label that wants us to totally re-do the songs from the ground up, but even if that happened, they'd be very different than these originals]. We wanted more than anything to have something for you to enjoy while we work on the full-length album, which we're planning to release this fall.

So enjoy the freebies here in the mySpace player, and if you love a good collector's item with autographs from bands that are about to take over the world, then...TERROREYES is for you! [Hee hee].

xxx,
NiNi of CORVO

Fantomatique Hits Number 1!

2006-01-20T12:32:00.000-06:00

01.20.06
Originally uploaded by Nini_Burkart.

[Trying the "blog this" feature from my flickr account].

We've hit NUMBER ONE in Industrial on Garageband.com! - This will look mighty fine in the press kit, eh?

By the way, our CD is going to be on sale THIS WEEKEND! The "official" announcement will be posted here soon, and of course, ways to purchase the music will always be readily accessible on my sidebar.

Happy Friday, everyone!

[PS - I like the flickr upload feature waaay better than Blogger's. Flickr rawks].

M O O D:

w o w e e e ! ! !

I'm Tagging Myself: FOUR

2006-01-17T11:29:00.000-06:00

Snagged from the BonBlog!

Four jobs you've had in your life:
[I'll list my 4 favorite jobs].

-Movie Theater Ticket Girl and "Concessionist"
-Coffee shop/gourmet foods store sales associate
-Ticket Checker at Sun Valley Ski Resort
-On-Air Promotions Manager at a FOX/UPN Affiliate

Four movies you could watch over and over:
[Oooh, it will be tough to pick just four].

-Better Off Dead
-Sixteen Candles
-The Breakfast Club
-The Lost Boys

[Notice how very, very '80s this list is]?

Four places you've lived:

-Florida
-Wisconsin
-Idaho
-Oklahoma

Four TV shows you love to watch:
[As did Bonnie, I'll pick current ones only].

-Masters of Horror
-Battlestar Galactica
-House
-Desperate Housewives

Four places you've been on vacation:
[I'll list my favorite places].

-Vienna, Austria
-Salem, MA
-New Orleans, LA
-San Francisco, CA

Four websites you visit daily:

-MySpace.com
-The Gothic Beauty Forums
-The Huffington Post
-CD Baby.org

Four of your favorite foods:

-Pasta
-Gourmet Cheeses
-Seafood
-Chocolate

Four places you'd rather be:

-Living in a cool city
-Working for "Me, Inc." rather than for a huge corporation
-Drinking wine with my family by their legendary bonfire
-Traveling the world for my music

Four albums you can't live without:
[Another one that's impossible to narrow down to four].

-Loreena McKennitt: Live at Toronto and Paris
-Roxy Music: Avalon
-Opeth: Ghost Reveries
-Mozart's Requiem

Four magazines you read:

-Gothic Beauty
-Revolver
-Terrorizer
-Glamour

Four cars you've owned:

-A shitty brown, beat up Ford Fairlaine
-A teal green Ford Escort
-A Nissan Pathfinder
-My current '69 VW Beetle [which I need to sell]!

Four people to do this meme:

I want to see this meme on the blogs of Sneffnee, Toshya, Cory and Nina!

Yawn

2006-01-17T10:18:00.000-06:00

Whew! Got NO sleep last night - not a WINK. But I'm not really crabby or anything today, just a bit out of it.

Did anyone watch the Golden Globes? Any Golden Globes comments, make 'em here! I'm going to look at some fashion galleries today...I am a total fashion whoore afterall.

Masters of Horror

My absolute favorite, favorite, favorite episode now is "Fair-Haired Child." I was not expecting to like it, because it was directed by the guy who's done all of the shitty Dark Castle movies [13 Ghosts, House on Haunted Hill, Ghost Ship, House of Wax]. I mean, don't get me wrong, those movies were fun in a "blockbuster" sort of way [although I have not seen House of Wax], but far from brilliant or ground-breaking.

Well..."Fair-Haired Child" totally proved that William Malone can direct an amazing horror film if only the board rooms would just let him do his thing. Good scripts are all he needs, and he could rise among the ranks of the Horror Masters we've all grown to adore [Dario Argento, George Romero, John Carpenter, Etc.].

Battlestar Galactica

Oh My GODS. Each season gets better and better. I really hate it that this show gets overlooked for major awards. It's that whole predjudice against Science Fiction, I know. This show is not just a nerdy Sci-Fi show; it's got some of the best acting, writing, directing, editing and music that I've ever seen in a TV series. Ever. SO addicted to that show!

M O O D:

E h.

It's Been a Good Weekend

2006-01-15T15:50:00.000-06:00

Got my haircut on Friday...wasn't sure [at first] that I liked it, but now it's grown on me. Yes, there will be photos.

Figured out a new motto for my blog: Blog like nobody's reading! Maybe I'll be happier with blogging if I just live by that creed.

I bought a ridiculously expensive perfume yesterday and I absolutely love it: Prada. It smells SO sexy and earthy. It's going to be my "signature scent." I haven't had a "signature scent" since high school. Back then, it was the classic Liz Claiborne. - The perfume in the little triangle-shaped bottles. SO different from Prada - polar opposite of it.

Tonight: Going to Mom B's for dinner, doing a little house-cleaning, then watching Godzilla - the newest one, made by the guys who did Versus.

Tomorrow: We've got the work day off! Love that. Treating G to brunch at IHOP, doing some grocery shopping at Super Target, and then we'll be shutting ourselves inside to work on new music. Our CD is going to be on sale in less than two weeks. Eeeeep!

Quote of the moment:
"The family that plays together, stays together." - Morticia Addams

2006 = Hit the Ground Running!

2006-01-12T15:00:00.000-06:00

Is it just me, or does 2006 already feel like it's flying by?

It doesn't help that I'm spending yet another early year working fast and furiously during what has become my own personal hell: Awards Season. Ugh. I used to live for the Golden Globes, Oscars and all of the other awards that come flying out of New Year's bunghole, but now I just do what I can to survive it, and gag the entire way.

I do still love the Independent Spirit, Screen Actor's Guild, Sudance and AFI Awards, but I have come to despise mainstream "pop culture masturbation" awards with every fiber of my being. The only thing I really enjoy about any of 'em these days is the oggling of the fashion. That's about it.

I have grown so profoundly disillusioned by the "system" that is Hollywood over this past year in particular, it's sometimes overwhelming. It's like wanting a career in politics your whole life, and then finally making it into the White House. Would you want to stay in politics once you figured out how things work in the White House? Not bloody likely.

I still want to someday wind up acting in films, and mark my words, I will. But I've definitely arrived at the conclusion that for me, it's better to sneak in through the back door. -For me. I'm not criticizing anyone who has chosen to "work the system," I'm just saying that the front way in is not for me. If anything, I greatly admire people who have figured out how to work that "system," and have figured out how to gain anything from it. I don't know how they do it...I don't know how they sustain it. It's really quite awesome to watch them year after year remain so brightly lit in pop culture's spotlight. I personally don't know how they do it...but when the system finally finds its day to spit them out, I do feel badly for them. And when that rare specimen survives the system for years and years, it's really pretty amazing.

G and I both agree that the band is our way through the back door into filmmaking. - Much like Rob Zombie, we're really hoping that ultimately, this music career path is going to help simultaneously pave our filmmaking path. I can hardly wait to start working on our music videos! Just that teeny, tiny little teaser trailer we made for our upcoming CD really got me stoked for the day when we're ready to start making full music videos. Many filmmakers and actors get their start from music videos...it's empowering to know that we'll be starting off on our own music videos.

Anyway, I've been knee-deep in research for marketing and selling and licensing our music for the past six months, and I've found it even more astounding how corrupt and horrible "the industry" is. -Not just in the Hollywood "system" but in the music industry as well. As an outsider looking in, you have some inkling of it, sure. But damn, once you start doing all of the research? It's no wonder why I've become so disillusioned. And my taste for mainstream bands wanes more and more with every bit of research that I do. It's mind-boggling what studios do to them. It's disappointing that artists would actually allow it.

But I do refuse to get bitter about it. Bitterness is no good. I'm thankful that I'm realistic, and that stars in my eyes won't make me agree to some awful "sell my soul" contract or other career-ending stupidity. The stars are officially gone. So...let's see, what replaced the stars in my eyes? Hm...I'd say...these: ? ? ? ? Question Everything. Wise as a serpent, gentle as a dove. That's all that's necessary...oh, and a good lawyer, too.

The good news is, thanks to the Internet, Digital Music and musicians who learned the hard way what it's like to get *cornholed by huge record labels, the Independent Underground in music isn't only alive and well, it's actually becoming wildly profitable. [WOW, that was a long sentence]! We have a lot of work ahead, but we're definitely moving forward 110%. It's going to be an exciting year! And I'm gonna keep sharing it here - successes, loss, gains and setbacks, I'll be sharing it without any filters right here.

I had the whole "should I take down my blog" thoughts again recently, and again, the decision to stay and to keep sharing won over being so tired and disillusioned.

I don't know how much longer I'm going to last at my job, though. Each day, the fantasy to just pack up my shit and leave without considering the consequences grows stronger and stronger, and that scares me. I really can't do it, but I'm reaching that almost dangerous "disconnect" inside myself where I just don't care. *sigh* I think this will be the year when I can finally find something else to work in, though. At this point, getting totally out of TV altogether isn't far off. Hell, if Corvo brought in even a modest amount of regular income, I'd work part-time at a craft store or coffee shop or something. I'm really [literally] to that point.

Thank the Gods that G is happy in his job! I mean, his department fucking rocks, and they absolutely adore him. It's a great job to be in for him, too. I'd rather he be happy in his job than me. And I'm constantly grateful that the penduluum swung back to a happy, healthy and stable place in his career. As you all know, he went through way too much [undeserved] pain over the past few years. So every day that I see him happy in his job, it does dull my misery a ton! *Whew*

I am home sick today. I'm over my migraine now, but my guts are hurting a lot. At least I have sick time again...it's one of the few things that makes me stay and not live that fantasy of quietly packing up and leaving. I'm very thankful to have a job. Especially one with benefits...but the grace has ended. The time has come to make a change, and I've got to figure out very soon what exactly those changes will be. Anyone got about $6000 "severance" pay to give me? Hee hee!

M O O D:

i n t r o s p e c t i v e

*Isn't the term "cornholed" almost better than "fuck?" I think so. "You fucking cornhole!" "Why don't you go get cornholed?" "Stick that up your cornhole." "You smell like a cornhole!" It's just so sublimely disgusting.

We're Going to "TERROREYES" 2006!

2006-01-12T11:55:00.000-06:00

This is the teaser video we made for our upcoming CD Release!

Click on the image below to access our video page!

By the way, I blog over at our Corvo MySpace page quite often too. So if you're interested in keeping up with my music career, add the Corvo Blog to your blogroll/links list! Or if you prefer your links served up via RSS feeds, this is the RSS link to the Corvo Blog.

Needed a Change...

2006-01-11T21:02:00.000-06:00

And an apple, too! - Still have some layout issues to work out, so please pardon the mess for now...I think that 10pts is a little bit too small for the font.

Anyway...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CORY!!

I'm still giggling and smiling over our 5th Annual NYE celebration, by the way. I can't wait to see you Cheney's again! Let's plan it soon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2005-12-31T16:15:00.000-06:00

Let's have a kickass 2006 together, okay?
xoxoxo,
NiNi

Merry Festivus!

2005-12-25T22:02:00.000-06:00

Just stealing away for a moment to give you all heartfelt and warm HOLIDAY HUGS!

xoxoxo,
NiNi

Iraqis march, say elections were rigged

2005-12-23T12:31:00.000-06:00

Yep, that's American-style Democracy in action for ya. You know, a truck filled with rigged ballots was intercepted in Iraq, but that never made "major" headlines. Of course it didn't.

Does your vote count? NO. Not anymore...

I have a vegetarian "egg MacMuffins" to make, a cheezy Godzilla movie to watch and a husband's company to enjoy this early afternoon...I promise I'll come back for a new post that is way less political and pissed off.

M O O D:

f u c k i t a l l

[PS - G swears that my "Mood" Emoti-Batty looks exactly like me].

The Where Should You Live Test

2005-12-20T10:52:00.000-06:00

Anyone who's hung out with me long enough in blogland knows that G and I are not content in Tulsa. As a matter of fact, the search for our "new city" is going to be greatly accelerated in 2006, especially since G will have had his technical writing job for a year, and I...well...I've practically become furniture at this point in my job, so I'm more than ready to move onward and upward and away-ward.

When I saw this test at Communicatrix's blog, I had to take it. I wonder of Minneapolis would be considered adequate for a "Bohemian Gentrifier" like me? Portland? Seattle? Vancouver? [Cracking UP at that term and the quote]!

This is so true of me, though. I am always the person who is looking for a way to take a potentially bad or "ghetto" situation and spruce it up with a little paint! Flea markets and farmer's markets make me downright giddy, because I love seeing potential in things that look like they should be on their way to the garbage. I love creating something out of nothing...I've had to do it for so long now, it's actually become fun. I definitely tend to think outside of the crackhouse, which is why I'm highly adaptable.

I think it's the Bohemian Gentrifier in me that feels so at home in The French Quarter and San Francisco. I love old, old, centuries-old buildings. I don't mind a little visible decay here and there. I love signs of people taking the old and finding a way to preserve it for today and for the future. It's the misplaced European in me.

Okay so, if you in the bloop take this test, make sure you come back and tell me what ya get!

Rowhouse 'Hood
You scored 28 out of 40 on urban-rural and 29 out of 40 land intensity.

People know you as: The Bohemian Gentrifier
Quote: "That crack house just needed a little paint."

Your score indicates that you are a city-dweller of the old-school. You like a dense, finely grained neighborhood with restaurants, churches and brothels all on the same block. Although you've never spoken to him personally, you know that guy Eddie down the street is a pimp and you're sure to tell your lame suburban friends about him at every opportunity, just to freak them out.

The bad news is that as more and more people like you move into your neighborhood it gradually becomes less cool and more expensive. Enjoy things while you can, because in 5 years you're going to have to move to the next 'hood uptown.

Examples of places you should live: Baltimore, Philadelphia

Take theWhere Should You Live Test written by TwelveFloorsUp on Ok Cupid.

M O O D:

c h i l l y !

The Anniversary, The Witch and The Snow

2005-12-18T15:39:00.000-06:00

Last Night

Utica Square was beautiful and both of our meals perfect! We had a most wonderful "Anniversary Saturday." Did lots of "annivesary celebration" types of things *clearing throat* and really, really loved celebrating an almost-perfect-actually-even-better-than-perfect first 7 years.

Witches!

We watched Bewitched last night, and I have to say I really enjoyed it! I will actually be buying the DVD, I loved it so much. It's not ground-breaking by any means, but genuinely enjoyable. It was written very smart, and with a cast like Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell, Michael Caine, Jason Schwartzmann, Shirley MacLaine and Kristin Chenoweth [who's originally from Tulsa, BTW], you can't go wrong. Plus, I just love witches! Witches, witches, witches.

Speaking of witches, I've got several Wicked items on my "witch list." And I want to BE Idina Menzel. [She is so gorgeous, and has an amazing acting career]. If that musical is EVER done in town by one of our theatres, I'm SO there to audition. Useless-but-fun trivia about me: in my TV career, my voice has been utilized three different times for witch cackles in Halloween commercials/promos - including one this year]! Heeee he he he heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

[Bonnie, if you ever get to cast Idina in anything, you'd better be ready to at least cast me in an "extras" gig in the project - hee hee]!

[I'm totally getting the acting bug again...I have a feeling I may be doing a show in 2006].

[Idina Menzel + Kristin Chenoweth in WICKED]

Today

We're getting ready to go to MIL's today - she and Lissa have a birthday prezzie for G. We're gonna make our favorite Tuscan Pumpkin and White Bean Soup for dinner, complete with MIL's famous homemade bread. She's made eggnog which I cannot have, but I've noticed that Silk has a nog out right now, so while they drink the real deal, I'm gonna try the soy deal. It doesn't make me at all sad having to refrain from the real stuff...I'm just thankful there's an alternative available to me.

Music

Just for shits and giggles, G and I are going to work on our first "cover" song over the holidays. We've started Corvo with five original songs...I think at this point, we're not wimps for wanting to create a fun cover song. I'm keeping the identity of this song under wraps for now, because I love being a tease...and I guarantee, you won't be expecting this one [it's pretty much something you'd never think a gothic metal band would cover].

I hope that you're all having a fantastic weekend! I'm so happy that G and I have OFF tomorrow. Maybe I won't feel the need to maim people at work when we're back on Tuesday.

By the way, it looks and feels like it still might snow...I hope s[n]o[w]!

M O O D

c o n t e n t

Three-Day Anniversary Weekend Has Begun!

2005-12-17T14:47:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling so much better now.

Cookies-Cookies-Cookies!

Last night, we had to go shopping for weekend food-stuffs after work, so we got home pretty late for a work night. Made vegetarian curry "meatballs" and rice for dinner - fucking fabulous.

I made homemade choccie chip cookies, modified for the "I.B.S. Diet," and I have to say, they turned out soooooo good. They turned out more like cake cookies, which G and I have decided is a good thing. Rather than being greasy and "chewy," they're a little bit fluffier and softer, too. I had worried that they'd get rubbery after having cooled down, but today they're still nice and soft and very, very chocolatey. There's very, very little saturated fat in 'em, and they didn't send me into an I.B.S. attack. I had been craving chocolate chip cookies all week, and it would not leave me, so I had to try making them...come to think of it, this is the first time I've ever really made chocolate chip cookies "from scratch," and I really enjoyed it. Basically, I modified the traditional "Nestle Tollhouse" recipe, substituting egg beaters in place of eggs, and Smart Balance Light in place of butter - oh, and I didn't put in nuts because I prefer straight chocolate chips in my cookies. I would consider this recipe modification a success, and am now quite happy to have my insatiable craving fulfilled - amazing how a little chocolate is all one needs to elevate a very shitty mindset.

Masters of Horror

After dinner and cookie baking, we "tag-team" cleaned the house so that we wouldn't have to fuck with it the rest of our anniversary weekend. When we do that, it takes all of 90 minutes to have a spotless house totally ready for relaxation and snuggles.

Once we settled in, we watched this week's Masters of Horror, which was John Carpenter's opus, "Cigarette Burns." Oh. My. Satan. This was the most fucked up Masters of Horror yet! It's now my absolute favorite, with Tobe Hooper's "Dance of the Dead" as my second favorite, and John Landis' "Deer Woman" as my third favorite. We still have Lucky McGee [May] and Takashi Miike [Audition] to go. May is one of my all-time favorite horror movies, and I love Takashi Miike, so...the final episodes still have much promise!

PF Changs

G is treating me to PF Changs tonight for our anniversary. It's pretty cold out, and it may sleet tonight, so I'm hoping that it waits until we've had our fun down at Utica Square. I really hope that mother nature decides on snow rather than sleet...the prospect of walking around Utica Square under a light evening snow quite appeals to us.

G's Birthday

I gave G his birthday gift early, and he about died. I got him The Devil's Rejects "Last Supper" poster. It is so deranged, and yes, we're hanging it in our livingroom. I never got to write it here, but The Devil's Rejects is now one of our all-time favorite movies. It's *right up there* with A Clockwork Orange on my list - and no, I'm not kidding.

Off to get all gussied up for our date night! Have a great weekend, everyone.

M O O D:

p e p p y

PS - We're gonna be played on "Black Sunday" again this weekend - Eeeep!

Hawaiians Everywhere Take Note

2005-12-16T10:30:00.000-06:00

Has anyone else with Gmail noticed recently that when you click on the S P A M folder, you get delicious recipes for this Hawaiian delicacy up top? Sheer brilliance, I tell you.

*Singing*
"MIGHTY S P A M, WONDERFUL S P A M!"

Quote of the Week

2005-12-15T17:37:00.000-06:00

"Work smart, not hard." -Dr. Gregory House

Partying With The Fishes

2005-12-15T16:27:00.000-06:00

Speaking of fish and sharks, I totally forgot to write about our company holiday party!

BEST. PARTY. EVER.

It was last Friday [December 9th], at the aquarium! SO amazing. The banquet hall was jaw-droppingly beautiful for Christmas - I really regret not having brought the camera. The food was amazing - the chef even prepared a vegetarian dish for me - and the company gave away probably thousands of dollars' worth of prizes [which of course, did not reach G and I - heh]. We all got to take home a beautiful glass dolphin keepsake though, so everyone was able to take home a timeless souvenir from a fabulous company event.

The coolest thing was walking around with a glass of wine [or two] and looking at all of the displays totally in private! No hordes of screaming children, just about 200 adults all decked out in our evening holiday best, taking it all in at a leisurely pace.

It was really neat when it got to be a bit later, because most of the tanks were turned off and switched to "moonlight" mode. You'd think this would be a real bummer, but it was actually quite cool in an unsettling sort of way. When the lights went off, a lot of the fish that tend to hide during the daytime came out, and all swam closer to the front of their tanks when the "night cycle" was on. G and I cupped our hands around our eyes to look into the tanks and since it was so dark, all depth perception was lost, and we both felt like deep sea divers on a secret mission. It seriously felt like we were snorkeling under water, and it was creeptastic...especially when suddenly, a fish would swim right up to the glass out of nowhere. Imagine my reaction when the 98 pound catfish's face was suddenly *right there,* looking me in the eyes!

The shark tank was most amazing at night. When I first walked into it, I was a little unnerved because again, the depth perception factor was really "off." I kept feeling like the sharks were swimming right at me, rather than past me. Totally fucking cool...especially since I'd also gotten quite tipsy.

It was very encouraging knowing that our corporate offices not only paid for this party, but certainly did not skimp on us this year. It seems that Tulsa being the "hick bastard stepchild" to the L.A. elite is finally over. I believe that the reason is that our new head hancho has worked in offices all over the world, so he seems to have less of a "zip code discriminatory" attitude. He's all about wireless communications and quite a forward-thinking kind of guy. It seems that he's devoting equal respect, attention and budget to all of the offices - from London to L.A. to Denver to Tulsa. G and I also received word that our departments are going to grow a bit next year, so it's nice having the ability to celebrate the holidays [finally] without a sense of impending doom concerning our company's local longevity.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I just got over a migraine about a half-hour ago. Had to stay home today. One thing about the I.B.S. is that the only medicine I can tolerate now is enteric-coated aspirin, which isn't nearly as powerful as ibuprofen. So...yeah...that's sort of a shitty new development in the health situation. I tend to suffer from these once a month [yes, it's related to The Crimson Tide], so I gotta figure out what I can do to overcome that now too...which I will. I always do.

M O O D:

e h .

Swimming With Sharks

2005-12-14T21:48:00.000-06:00

Remember that conversation the bloop had a while back about American Idol? We had discussed the price that one pays when entering huge "talent" shows, the pros and cons to getting rich/famous fast vs. the longer road of paving an artistic path on one's own terms, and it got pretty heated [in a good way].

This is a follow up to that topic.

"My guy" [the one that I'd wanted to win last season, AKA the only season that I will ever have watched] Bo Bice's album came out yesterday. I haven't heard it yet, probably never will...might sample a few tracks for shits and giggles. However, it doesn't surprise me to read this scathing review from All Music Guide. A juicy excerpt:

"So what did 19 Entertainment, exec producer Clive Davis, and the whole American Idol album crew do for Bo's album? They threw everything that worked for Bo on the show out the window — the Southern rock, the blues, the classicism — and shoehorned him into a bland alt-rock setting somewhere between Nickelback and Bon Jovi. Clearly, the idea behind this is that what appeals to the show's audience won't appeal to the record-buying public, particularly to teens, but instead of building on the audience Bo had on the show, The Real Thing alienates them.
Kelly Clarkson may have gotten hipper, sexier, and dancier on her debut, but that worked, not just because she had good material and charm, but because it appealed to her core teen audience. Bo was a bit older and appropriately had an older following, listeners who pined to hear '70s-styled pop and rock — and not just because there wasn't much of it out there, but because Bo did it well, and he sounded distinctive doing it. Not only is that sound nowhere to be heard on The Real Thing, but Bo no longer sounds distinctive. He sounds exactly the same as every other mainstream male rock singer in 2005 — all of his songs have indistinct verses that surge into an anthemic chorus where all the heavy guitars kick in, inching the volume up to a point where it becomes a glossy wall of digital sound that drowns out his vocals.
The music is tightly wound and meticulously clean, the antithesis to Bice's loose, earthy appeal. Most of all, the songs — even the handful of good, professional tunes, both, not coincidentally, co-written by either Jon Bon Jovi or his longtime partner Richie Sambora — all sound exactly the same, following the same flow, bearing the same dynamics. This isn't modernizing Bo Bice — this is neutering him, giving him an unwelcome extreme makeover that doesn't fit."

The rest of the review is quite an eye-opening read. [I consider following stories like these as "homework" for Corvo].

Oh, but wait - gotta add this other possibly juicier tidbit in:

"If Bice were teamed with a bunch of new singer/songwriters like DeGraw or John Mayer, he would have had melodic, classically styled pop/rock songs that he could have sung better than their authors. Instead, 19 paired him with Ben Moody from Evanescence, Ashlee Simpson's collaborator Kara DioGuardi, and the hack of all hacks, Chad Kroeger from Nickelback — the man who equates love with being willing to eat off the floor — for a set of heavily processed, cumbersome, mildly active rock that's too boring to be memorable."

I find it interesting that the American Idol production company allowed their "golden girl" Carrie Underwood to be herself and to go with the genre in which she fits [country pop], but didn't do that for Bo. I just learned the other day that some of the huge labels will actually sign "the competition" and then promptly shelve the newer band, so that the artist can't take money away from the label's "pet" artists. This doesn't surprise me at all, and I can't help but conspiracy-theorize about what happens to a lot of the American Idol "winners." How some of them seem to do so well, but others just...fade away, even though the winner alone isn’t the only one who gets "signed."

Now, Bo does have his own fans, and he may receive better reviews and press from other publications, but this isn't a very good start. I also find it sad that the track listing shows that he only contributed to two of the songs. He barely wrote any of his own material, and that's [I believe] one of the saddest things about it all. I do hope that he proves me wrong and finds a way to rise above this corporate corner that he's put himself into. But to me, his "success" is beginning to smell like record label "chum."

Oh, and is it just me, or does he sort of look like Constantine now? Creepy.

M O O D:

s u s p i c i o u s

Pescatarian Resource

2005-12-14T13:39:00.000-06:00

[Monterey Bay Aquarium: Seafood Watch Program]

Wow, and this is a gorgeous site: [mediterrasian.com]

FaveURLite Site of the Week

2005-12-13T13:43:00.000-06:00

[MAKEUPALLEY.COM]

I could spend days and days on [MakeupAlley.com]. For the [product reviews] alone, I use this site a looooot. Totally addicting and very helpful.

M O O D:

g i r l i e - g i r l

Participation Positives

2005-12-12T15:38:00.000-06:00

Nicole has been doing these for a very long time. Every time I read her participation positive entries, she automatically puts me in a grateful state of mind. Whenever I finish reading her blog, I always say to myself, "I need to do those!" But for some reason, I never do. Until today.

-----------
Participation Positives
12.12.05

*I have room to breathe and to daydream at my job.
*I'm able to take breaks - even "mini breaks" - with my husband again at work.
*I look great in hats, so I don't have to do a damn thing to my hair if I don't wanna!
*Guacamole [one of my favoritist foods in the world] is a "safe" food for me.
*I'm constantly working on something creative that fulfills me beyond the 9-5.
*I have a beautiful family that doesn't make me loathe the holidays.
*I'm 10 pounds lighter than I was before Thanksgiving.
*I'm one day closer to a 3-day weekend for my and G's anniversary!

---------------------------

Yeah...that feels really good!

M O O D:

g r a t e f u l

A Drive By Post!

2005-11-18T18:02:00.000-06:00

Sicko

I've actually still been battling illness this week, but I hate posting about being sick because I feel like such a goddamn whiner. My theory is that the intestinal virus that I had a few weeks back [only two posts ago - eesh] has made my stomach lining and esophagus really, really tender. Well this week, I started feeling like I was coming down with a respiratory nasty, so I took work off, drank tons of orange juice, ate tomato soup for dinner - antioxidants galore, y'know? - and of course, took a swig of NyQuil [can't have a cold with the Giant Fucking Q] before I went to bed. What happens? I could breathe really great that night, and I was sleeping really well, but I woke up in the middle of the night nauseous, with that awful "churning" in my upper guts [which was happening with the intestinal virus] and dry-heaving. I also had the "fever chills," and just generally felt like I now had both a respiratory nasty and a tummy nasty. So I stayed home yesterday too. Was feeling better all around by last evening, except still having some nasal drippiness, so I took NyQuil and ended up with - again - really really severe stomach cramping late into the night and early this morning. Then to really top off a wonderful week, I came down with a migraine today. Had to go home early. At this point, all sick time is coming out of my paycheck...I ran out of sick time about six months ago...it's been a rough year for me, hasn't it?

And now you see why I hate these "I've been sick" posts. Whine-whine-whine and whine.

But truly, it's been really bothering me and pissing me off. Totally disruptive. I'm going to keep a very detailed journal of what's going on with my body, and if I'm not feeling absolutely stellar by the end of next weekend, I'm asking my Doc to do an upper G.I. to check for ulcers.

Oh, and it's not like my diet is to blame for this lately. I went back on Weight Watchers a month ago...I've been eating healthier and leaner than ever, and historically, when I straighten up and eat right, I don't ever have tummy problems or acid reflux or anything like that. G had bleeding ulcers when he was a teenager, and he told me that viruses and bacteria infections can actually cause ulcers. - A virus caused his. Eeesh. So...this is absolutely confoundingly annoying, but I plan to get to the bottom of it and fix it...whatever "it" may be.

Okay, I'm done with the "health crap" post.

SO.

The Prodigal Blogger

Yeah, been a little dusty and abandoned around here. I've been focusing lots of energy on Corvo whenever I am online. Speaking of which, Fantomatique has been really doing great for us. We made it to "round 2" at Garageband.com, and we're currently #11 in Industrial! Last week, we were on the FRONT PAGE all week under "What's Hot Now: Industrial," see?

If I could just get my body to behave itself, I would be having a most excellent November.

I know it could be worse, but...I think I'm just more perplexed than upset. I've never had a nasty hang onto me like this for such a prolonged amount of time...

TV!

Oh my Goddess, my new favorite show ever is Showtime's [Masters of Horror]. I am so into it! So far, my favorite story was last week's: "Dance of the Dead." It was so darkly romantic and twisted and interesting, too. I've loved all of them so far. Tonight is Dario Argento's opus...should be pretty fucked up. I already can't wait for the DVD of the full collection to come out!

OH. And we're on Buffy's FINAL FINAL ending episode. Yikes! We managed to keep ourselves from hearing or reading ANYTHING about how Buffy ends, so....wow, what a season it's been. I'm still sad that the show ever ended, but I've gotta say, Joss Whedon has done one HELL of a job making it one of THE best ending seasons I've ever seen in a television series. -Unlike Six Feet Under's final season, which pissed me off in the WORST way about fourth episode in. *sigh* SO disappointing. I never even finished Six Feet Under! I'm sure we'll rent the final episodes at some point, but more out of obligation than anything. *sigh*

MacReady!

My sweet baby boy is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD tomorrow!

He is SO happy and cancer-free. He's putting back on some weight and acting all bouncy and youthful these days. We're so in love with that mutt.

What's not to love?

M O O D:

b r r r r r r r r !

Democrat wins signal trouble for Bush

2005-11-09T15:11:00.000-06:00

It's about time he start wiping that shit-eating, know it all smirk off his face.

May Bush and company soon learn that Karma can be a bitch when all one does is fixate on greed.

BOO!

2005-10-31T15:04:00.000-06:00

I hope you're all having a very Happy Halloween!

M O O D:

r e - a n i m a t e d

Another Creepy Download

2005-10-28T11:36:00.000-05:00

This is another thing we did for the "Scream Campaign." It's only a :05-second long piece of video, so it shouldn't take too long to download, or hog up too much room on your desktops.
[right click here to download]

Just wrapping things up here at work today before my and G's long weekend - yay! We're taking Halloween day off together...it's our "New Year," - Samhain - so we take it off every year. I can't wait to read our tarot cards and see what's in store for the coming year. We also have some newly deceased loved ones - Al and Minnie - to remember and celebrate, along with those that we've celebrated in years past. It's weird...the other day, Al came to my mind really vividly, and last night, G had a dream about him. I think he's still sort of hanging out with us. I miss that cat so so so so very much, it still hurts like hell. I miss Minnie too...but Al is always the one whose face vividly haunts my dreams and my memories. Maybe it's because his death blind-sided us so badly...whereas Minnie's was so evident. She had been deteriorating for months before she died, but Al really hadn't. We weren't ready for him to go. With Minnie, we were ready, and we feel so lucky that we were...

Anyway, this weekend is mostly gonna be G and me time. Very low-key this year, which is good because every year for many years, we've had parties...I'm kinda just wanting to RELAX this year. We are having G's sister and mom over on one of the nights to have some Halloween-themed food and watch a fun movie together, but that'll be very laid back too. I'll probably bring out Practical Magic for them. I don't think they've ever seen it, and I love watching it every year. It's one of those Halloween movies that moms and sisters would enjoy, so...we'll keep it "safe" for them, then bring out the depraved horror movies for later on that evening, once they leave.

The Tivo is quite busy recording all sorts of Hallow-TV for us! We'll have stuff to watch well after Halloween, which is good, because I always get a little sad when Halloween is over. This will help "bring us down" gently.

I can't wait to show you all my costume this year. One of the "parts" arrived in the mail yesterday...should be fun.

So what do you all have planned for Halloween this year?

M O O D:

a l i i i i i i v e!