Thanks so much for your comments yesterday, everyone... it is very comforting to receive thoughts and cyber hugs during such a difficult time...

I'm pretty much trading off hysterical crying with just feeling plain ol' numb. I really had a hard time vaccuuming around "his" area last night - the place in front of the couch where his bed was, where he laid at my feet every night and where we gathered around him during his final hours of consciousness. I had to stop. I know it isn't true and it probably sounds melodramatic, but I felt like I was sweeping "him" away... I wanted to see his hair tufts and I wanted to smell him... it seemed like a betrayal to clean up after him, but we needed to restore balance and order to things... for whatever reason, I had a really hard time doing that last night.

We only spent two hours at work, then G and I left. G treated us to dinner at Lanna Thai, which was SO medicinal. He also bought me Season 1 of The Addams Family on DVD, which we kept on through most of the evening, to cheer us. We also bought a plant in MacReady's honor. It's called a "Louisiana Red." We thought it would be a great choice because we always called him our "Big Red." Several years ago, G's mom had painted a wonderful porcelain husky statuette for us, and made it look like Macready's coloring... I don't think I could ever convey how grateful I was to have that last night. I put MacReady's collar around the statuette's neck, and put it in front of "his plant." We'll be adding a nice framed 8x10 photo of him, his "clay paw print" and a section of his favorite blanket into the shrine.

I've been trying so hard to replace the images of him drifting away with the images of him being cute, naughty and funny... but it's hard. The memory of their death is so clear and raw at first, and that's the hard part. I have had many moments of giggling since yesterday, though. That dog was such a character, and as the memories of putting him to sleep fade away, I can guarantee that much laughter and fun memories will take over and replace the pain.

Of course, the kitties knew that something was wrong, so they piled up on top of me and loved on me a lot. If we didn't have them, it would have been even more difficult to be home experiencing that void he's left. To say I miss him terribly is an understatement. I feel so empty without him. He was such a part of me, and it hurts like hell to lose him. But you know... it is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all. The love and affection between me and my pets is most definitely two-way... and my life is better for it, loss and all.